Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that the prices of processed
food
and drink should be increased
,
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apply
show examples
because it
often
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is often
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filled with a lot of
sugar
that can
triger
Correct your spelling
trigger
many health problems.
This
essay strongly agrees with the statement completely, the reason is people will be healthier and search for better
alternative
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alternatives
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to
replaced
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replace
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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processed
food
and drinks
into
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with
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healthier
option
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options
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.
Healthy
Correct article usage
A healthy
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life
required
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requires
show examples
Correct article usage
a balanced
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balanced
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a balanced
show examples
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diet
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diets
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diet
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and nutrients, something that
consumed
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is consumed
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more than the limit will tend to cause
variaties
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varieties
of health problems, one
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apply
show examples
of
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apply
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
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examples
show examples
example
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examples
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is
sugar
,
Sugar
if
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apply
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it
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apply
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consumed wisely can have many beneficial benefits for our body. but if
it
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apply
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consumed excessively can
triger
Correct your spelling
trigger
one of the dangerous
disease
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diseases
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is diabetes. Diabetes can hit anyone from child to elderly. Diabetes often
lead
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leads
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to many
complication
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complications
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such
as heart failure, amputation, and even
dead
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death
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. In
this
economy,
by
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apply
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rising the prices of processed
food
and drinks that contain
Correct article usage
a considerably
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considerably
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considerable
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amount of
sugar
can make people stay away from it
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
they can not afford it. By
this
, they will search for better
alternative
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alternatives
show examples
to more natural ingredients
such
as stevia. Stevia is one of
sugar
Correct article usage
the sugar
show examples
replacement
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replacements
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
made from
fruits
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fruit
show examples
extract. Important to note that, stevia is
differnt
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different
from processed
sugar
, it
taste
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tastes
show examples
sweeter by just adding a small amount of it. Of course, replacing it
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
show examples
option will
incredibly
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be incredibly
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challenging but it will
worth
Add a missing verb
be worth
show examples
the risk in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
long run. In conclusion, increasing the prices of processed
food
and drinks that
contans
Correct your spelling
contains
contain
a lot of
sugar
can have many beneficial benefits for us since we can
be avoid
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avoid
show examples
getting many problems and can
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
healthier
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
.
Submitted by nientjeninan on

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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing the essay with a clearer logical sequence, ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next with the help of connector words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Both introduction and conclusion are present, but could be improved for clarity and impact, by clearly restating the thesis and summarizing the key points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support the main points with well-developed examples, preferably with specific data or research, to substantiate the arguments presented in the essay.
task achievement
The response is generally complete but lacks detailed development of ideas; expand on these to fully address all parts of the task effectively.
task achievement
The ideas are clear but could be expressed more comprehensively with stronger and varied sentence structures, and a broader range of vocabulary.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to strengthen the argument. Avoid generalities and seek to include real-life instances, statistics, or studies where possible.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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