IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that the prices of processed
food
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 and drink should be increased
,
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apply
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 because it
often
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is often
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 filled with a lot of
sugar
Use synonyms
 that can
triger
Correct your spelling
trigger
 many health problems.
This
Linking Words
 essay strongly agrees with the statement completely, the reason is people will be healthier and search for better
alternative
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alternatives
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 to
replaced
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replace
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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processed
food
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 and drinks
into
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with
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 healthier
option
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options
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.
Healthy
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A healthy
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 life
required
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requires
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Correct article usage
a balanced
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balanced
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a balanced
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Fix the agreement mistake
diet
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diets
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diet
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 and nutrients, something that
consumed
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is consumed
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 more than the limit will tend to cause
variaties
Correct your spelling
varieties
 of health problems, one
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apply
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of
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apply
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
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the
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apply
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
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example
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examples
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 is
sugar
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,
Sugar
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 if
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apply
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it
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apply
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consumed wisely can have many beneficial benefits for our body. but if
it
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apply
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consumed excessively can
triger
Correct your spelling
trigger
 one of the dangerous
disease
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diseases
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Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is diabetes. Diabetes can hit anyone from child to elderly. Diabetes often
lead
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leads
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 to many
complication
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complications
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such
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 as heart failure, amputation, and even
dead
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death
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. In
this
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 economy,
by
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apply
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rising the prices of processed
food
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 and drinks that contain
Correct article usage
a considerably
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considerably
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considerable
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 amount of
sugar
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 can make people stay away from it
cause
Correct word choice
because
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 they can not afford it. By
this
Linking Words
, they will search for better
alternative
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alternatives
show examples
 to more natural ingredients
such
Linking Words
 as stevia. Stevia is one of
Use synonyms
sugar
Correct article usage
the sugar
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replacement
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replacements
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that
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apply
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made from
fruits
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fruit
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 extract. Important to note that, stevia is
differnt
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different
 from processed
sugar
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, it
taste
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tastes
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 sweeter by just adding a small amount of it. Of course, replacing it
to
Change preposition
with
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healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
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 option will
incredibly
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be incredibly
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 challenging but it will
worth
Add a missing verb
be worth
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 the risk in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long run. In conclusion, increasing the prices of processed
food
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 and drinks that
contans
Correct your spelling
contains
contain
 a lot of
sugar
Use synonyms
 can have many beneficial benefits for us since we can
be avoid
Change the verb form
avoid
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 getting many problems and can
life
Replace the word
live
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 healthier
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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.

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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing the essay with a clearer logical sequence, ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next with the help of connector words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Both introduction and conclusion are present, but could be improved for clarity and impact, by clearly restating the thesis and summarizing the key points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support the main points with well-developed examples, preferably with specific data or research, to substantiate the arguments presented in the essay.
task achievement
The response is generally complete but lacks detailed development of ideas; expand on these to fully address all parts of the task effectively.
task achievement
The ideas are clear but could be expressed more comprehensively with stronger and varied sentence structures, and a broader range of vocabulary.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to strengthen the argument. Avoid generalities and seek to include real-life instances, statistics, or studies where possible.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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