Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by private companies rather than governments. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

There is no denying the fact that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
job is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
crucial for
individual
Add an article
an individual
the individual
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life.
This
essay will discuss the research
has
Correct pronoun usage
that has
show examples
done
Add a missing verb
been done
show examples
which provides information about
controlled
Rephrase
how controlled
show examples
by private companies are better than
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.
To begin
with, there are many positive
employee
Change to a plural noun
employees
show examples
in
a private companies
Correct the article-noun agreement
private companies
a private company
show examples
.
Firstly
,
although
the device is developing which
make
Verb problem
is
show examples
a benefit for
costumer
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
.
However
,salary is limited. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other words, usually
company
focus
to provide
Change preposition
on providing
show examples
a perfect service including the speed to achieve quantity with quality at the same time in order to
increased
Change the verb
increase
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
skills and
provide
Verb problem
apply
show examples
expand knowledge.
In addition
,
working-hours
Correct your spelling
working hours
show examples
are tough.
For example
,
however
, it
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
on the type of job but usually working-hours more than 9 hours
instead
8 hours,
otherwise
sometimes, in many
company
Change to a plural noun
companies
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
is not
including
Wrong verb form
included
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
as a
non faire
Add a hyphen
non-faire
show examples
company
.
Moreover
,
Add an article
the
an
show examples
employer is
non permanent
Add a hyphen
non-permanent
show examples
. For
clear
Replace the word
clarity
show examples
, the privet sector
non
Verb problem
does not
show examples
provide assurance for
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
in
whole
Correct pronoun usage
their whole
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In terms of working in the
government
has positive is a financial assurance. It is
also
possible to say that working in a
government provided
Add a hyphen
government-provided
show examples
sequence
to support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
the salary annually.
Moreover
,
woking
Correct your spelling
working
show examples
time is fixed.
For instance
, the rules of work
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
clear.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
need to achieve
self esteem
Add a hyphen
self-esteem
show examples
by feeling satisfaction when
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
work
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
sector. In conclusion,
although
, despite the advantages and disadvantages the obligation for both
sector
Change to a plural noun
sectors
show examples
will be clear for
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
before choosing so, some people believe that the
government
is more convenient related to individual goals. other prefer the private because of
flexible
Add an article
a flexible
the flexible
show examples
move to the other
company
.
Submitted by M on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the broad topic of public versus private sector employment rather than the specific issue of scientific research being controlled by private companies as opposed to governments. To improve your task response score, ensure that you directly address the given question and develop your argument accordingly.
coherence cohesion
You have attempted to follow an essay structure, but your ideas are not clearly organized or connected, leading to a lack of logical progression. To enhance coherence, it is important to plan your essay with clear introductory sentences for each paragraph and ensure that each paragraph contains one main idea that is explained and developed. Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay requires a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should rephrase the essay question and outline your position, whereas the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your overall opinion. Ensure both are present to give your essay a complete structure.
coherence cohesion
Main points within your essay lack clear support through the use of relevant explanations or examples. Each main point should have an explanation that elaborates on how it relates to the question, and ideally be explained further with specific examples. Focus on quality and relevance rather than quantity of points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • controlled research
  • private sector
  • governmental oversight
  • innovations
  • R&D (Research and Development)
  • privatization
  • diversification
  • profit motive
  • breakthrough
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • intellectual property
  • commercial value
  • fundamental research
  • profitable ventures
  • socially beneficial
  • knowledge sharing
  • skewed research
  • ethical considerations
  • oversight
  • market demand
What to do next:
Look at other essays: