IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

“In some countries, criminal trials are shown on television for public. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?”

#“in #countries #trials #television
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In several countries, courts open the process of
judgement
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judgment
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 about criminals to the public
in
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through
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 media streaming. I strongly believe
this
Linking Words
 policy from the
department
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Department
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 of
justice
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Justice
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 brings a lot of benefits to
the
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apply
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society.
On the other hand
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, some people oppose
to
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apply
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the policy that reveals the whole information of the criminal trials via mass media. They often insist
of
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on
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 protecting the fundamental rights of the criminals as
a
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apply
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human
being
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beings
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. At some points, It is true that streaming the criminal judgements on television for
public
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the public
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 might cause a leak of personal details about the criminal, the victims, and even the judges.
However
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,
these problem
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this problem
these problems
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 can be solved by adjusting the level of revealing the classified resources.
Moreover
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, there are a lot of benefits that the public can be provided by releasing the judgements on television.
First,
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it can play a role
of
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in
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 letting the public know if the punishment was understandable and executed by the adapted laws.
Additionally
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, it can arouse a productive debate over the consequences of the trials in the public. Regarding
this
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, the public will get to be more familiar with the law
enforcements
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enforcement
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 and learn some related knowledge that can be helpful for them someday. In conclusion. it is understandable why some people worry that streaming
crimal
Correct your spelling
criminal
 trials on television
cause
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causes
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 a lot of problems.
Nevertheless
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, it should be more encouraging since it can ensure far more benefits and fairness in the court.
Submitted by pjh011205 on

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Introduction Advice
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear stance and outlines the main points that will be discussed. The introduction should guide the reader into the essay, setting up the discourse for a balanced argument.
Logical Structure Advice
The overall logical structure of the essay is somewhat weak. It is important to have clear and distinct paragraphs, each with a central idea that is expanded upon with supporting sentences. Transition words between ideas and paragraphs should be used to guide the reader through your argument in a cohesive manner.
Supporting Points Advice
While you presented your supporting points, you did not elaborate with sufficient specific examples or evidence. Include more detailed examples to illustrate and support your points, making your essay more persuasive.
Task Response Advice
Your essay partially addresses the task by mentioning the advantages and disadvantages of public criminal trials on television. However, the essay should provide a more balanced discussion of both sides before reaching a conclusion. Additionally, the prompt asks whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, and your essay should give clear reasons and explanations for your stance.
Grammar and Vocabulary Advice
Make sure to proofread your essay for any grammatical or spelling errors to maintain academic formality and precision. Utilize paragraphs effectively to separate distinct ideas and use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the quality of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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