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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

#believe #action #crime
There is
an
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a
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 controversy whether the Department of Justice is putting sufficient efforts to protect the public from criminals or current
taken
Correct word choice
apply
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actions are not enough to deal with
crimes
. In
this
 essay, it will display
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both perspectives and comment
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
 personal opinion.
To begin
 with, several people assert that the recent activities to prevent incidents are playing
its
Change the word
a
show examples
 role pretty
effective
Change the word
effectively
show examples
.
According to
 the reported cases that
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 in the
last
 5 years, the percentage of serious
crime
 has been largely dropped. A number of facilities teach
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fundamental courses about
crime
 prevention and more
medium
Fix the agreement mistake
mediums
show examples
such
 as television or social media provide easier access to
know
Verb problem
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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information
of
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about
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 criminals.
As a result
, the public got much more chances to get educated about it.
On the other hand
, those who think current actions to deal with
crimes
 are not enough
comment
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to comment
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 that the pattern of criminals is different and the power of
the
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apply
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law enforcement is weak.
Moreover
, the knowledge to commit
crimes
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 too widespread all over the internet and
its
Change the word
the
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method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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used for
crime
 are not easy to track. In the modern world, the highest number of
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 has been reported in
cyber
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
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crime
. The more developed
techonologies
Correct your spelling
technologies
Add a missing verb
are release
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release
Replace the word
released
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, the wider
range
Correct article usage
the range
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 of
crime
 will come to our
life
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lives
show examples
. In my opinion, I think it is
neccesarry
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to enhance the power of
the
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apply
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law enforcement and it should
be encouraging
Wrong verb form
encourage
show examples
 the public to feel
more free
Replace the words
freer
show examples
 to contact
with
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apply
show examples
the police in any case of suspected
crime
. In conclusion, the taken actions to manage
with
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apply
show examples
crimes
 are surely playing
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 role effectively,
However
, it should be always encouraged to take more steps toward preventing
to
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apply
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further
crimes
 .
Submitted by pjh011205 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are well-developed with clear topic sentences and supporting details.
task achievement
Always provide specific examples to illustrate your arguments and support your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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