IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In a number of countries , some people think its is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very trains between cities . Other believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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It is logical that
people
Use synonyms
 are divided
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 two categories. The first group
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
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 spending
money
Use synonyms
 to construct plenty of new railway lines to connect all cities for travel easily.
While
Linking Words
 the others think more practical that the
money
Use synonyms
 must be spent on renewing the existing public
transport
Use synonyms
among
Change preposition
in
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 a city . /
However
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 , in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I would like to discuss both views and give examples and
proved
Wrong verb form
prove
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 my own opinion . On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, One of the most positive
to consume
Verb problem
apply
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part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
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finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
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 is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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link between cities and villages .
Linking Words
as
Capitalize word
As
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 a result,
people
Use synonyms
includes
Wrong verb form
including
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elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 would
be
Verb problem
find it
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 easy
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to access the capital cities
for instance
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, for medical appointments and medications.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, to arrive
to
Change preposition
at
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international
Correct article usage
an international
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 airport to get
international
Correct article usage
an international
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 flight which is not available in most of the local ones.
On the other hand
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, the second group believe the
money
Use synonyms
 has to be expenses on improving the public
transport
Use synonyms
 in the city to avoid daily traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 and road traffic
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
.
Moreover
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,
renew
Wrong verb form
renewing
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 the existence
public
Change preposition
of public
show examples
transport
Use synonyms
 will
serve
Verb problem
help
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to arrive on time and prevent being late during rush hour .Despite it
has
Wrong verb form
having
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 one drawback which is the emissions
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
produced
from
Change preposition
by
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 different vehicles and crowding
caused
Replace the word
cause
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 environmental pollution
that is
Linking Words
 reflected
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s health by breathing it but it has beneficial advantages as well. In conclusion , both views have benefits which is
assisted
Wrong verb form
assisting
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to facilitate their life.
However
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, In my opinion ,I would support
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
 more
money
Use synonyms
 on improving pulpit
transport
Use synonyms
 to serve employees ,
unemployed
Correct article usage
the unemployed
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 , and
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 as well.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure of your essay, ensure that you have clear topic sentences for each paragraph that link back to the central question, and that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next. Avoid abruptly switching topics without smooth transitions.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points of your essay. The introduction should clearly state the topic and your thesis, and the conclusion should restate your thesis and main points, reflecting back on the essay as a whole.
coherence cohesion
Make sure every main point is supported by specific examples or evidence. It's important to elaborate on how these points help to answer the essay question. Use concrete details rather than general statements for a more compelling argument.
task achievement
To complete the task effectively, address all parts of the prompt comprehensively. While your essay attempts to discuss both views, your own opinion could be more clearly stated and supported. Ensure that your conclusion also encapsulates your stance effectively.
task achievement
Aim to present clear and comprehensive ideas by fully developing each point with sufficient explanation and detail. Ideas should be unpacked and explored, rather than simply stated.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. Personal, historical, or hypothetical examples can make abstract ideas more tangible and persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
What to do next:
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