IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Poverty is a problem that affects the majority of children these days. Discuss the effects of poverty on society and suggest some solutions to this problem.

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Poverty
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 is an issue that
have
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has
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 affected the vast majority of
kids
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 these days. Some effects of
poverty
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 are
disnutririon
Correct your spelling
innutrition
 and low level of
education
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, and some possible solutions for these are more
job
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 opportunities from companies and offering high
job
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 salaries. One of the effects of
poverty
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 is disnutrition because parents do not have enough
money
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 to buy food.
Firstly
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, they need to pay rent and utility bills and
then
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 think about buying groceries for their
kids
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.
This
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 leads to
have
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having
show examples
 less food to eat and
kids
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 suffer from eating less vitamins and eventually feeling sick. Another effect of
poverty
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 on
children
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 is having
low
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a low
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 level of
education
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 due
of
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to
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 not having enough
money
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 to pay
books
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for books
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 and
tuitions
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tuition
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. Many
children
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 decide not to pay attention
on
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in
show examples
 class because their parents have no
money
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, so they do poorly at school.
For instance
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, in Latin
America
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America,
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 most
kids
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 do not reach high-school
education
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 because there is no
money
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 to pay
school
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for school
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 and buy books. If
this
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 does not change, more
children
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 will decide not to continue attending elementary school because they know they have no chances at all. One possible solution for these issues is offering
job
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 opportunities for individuals without asking for too many
requierements
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requirements
, so people will feel
a
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the
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 desire to continue working and will have the opportunity to protect their
kids
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. Having more jobs might motivate adults to attend work every day and they will have more
money
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 to provide anything their
children
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 need.
Also
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, companies need to offer high-
job
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 salaries that can help parents to pay rent, utility bills, food and have extra
money
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 to have a
saving
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savings
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 account. If these
happend
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happen
happened
, society might feel interested to keep going with their jobs every day. To illustrate my point, many people all over the world decide to live in a foreign country to look for a high-paying salary because they can not handle their
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children
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children's
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 sustent, and
this
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 is pretty sad.
To conclude
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,
poverty
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 is a huge factor that
affect
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affects
show examples
children
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 all over the world, and some effects of
this
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 are nutrition and
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 level of
education
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,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some possible solutions are offering more
job
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 opportunities and
havign
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having
high-
Correct your spelling
high
show examples
job
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salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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, so people will have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
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 to pay for their
children
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 basic necessities.

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task achievement
Make sure your essay has a clear overview or thesis statement, indicating your position and summarizing the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
Develop each main point in a separate paragraph with clear topic sentences and supporting sentences that expand on the idea.
task achievement
Provide specific examples or evidence to back up your points, which will demonstrate a wider knowledge of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your essay is well-organized with a logical sequence of ideas. Use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Write clear introduction and conclusion paragraphs that encapsulate the main points of your essay and restate your position in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check your writing for grammatical errors and use a varied range of vocabulary to convey your ideas more effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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