Many people work long hours, leaving very little time or leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disavantages?
People have become busier and worked longer, but have had little spare
time
in today's world. It is undeniable that this
is a tendency in our society. Some individuals make continuous efforts just to pay a bill on time
, while
others are eager to pursue quality of life. There are existing pros and cons to this
situation. I will discuss this
topic in the following paragraphs.
On the one
hand, people who work
hard indeed easily achieve their personal goals, such
as getting a promotion, acquiring many benefits, and earning a good reputation, leading to success. For example
, one
of the workers in my company dedicated his time
to finishing all the tasks beforehand and completing them perfectly, and he ended up pursuing a higher position, manager, within working only three years. Moreover
, earning more money than the average individual. Therefore
, working hard helps people achieve their accomplishments in their work
field.
On the other hand
, delving into those who are diligent but getting involved in work
means they need to abandon their personal time
. That can cause some problems, such
as ignoring their body conditions and becoming more stressed. For instance
, workers take almost their time
to devote themselves to work
, yet have no time
to see a doctor when they are feeling ill. Neglecting some warning signs from the body, for example
, insomnia and depression, like one
of my sisters, immersing herself in her work
environment but having no time
to take care of her body. One
day, she died because of a heart attack, which is regarded as death due to
overwork. Hence
, being occupied by work
may lead to some diseases because of spending too much time
dealing with work
.
In summary, although
working hard can bring career success and financial gains, it is essential to find a balance between work
and personal life. You should not sacrifice your health or personal well-being for professional goals. In other words
, It is crucial to manage your time
wisely, giving attention to both work
and personal aspects. Only when this
balance is achieved can you truly enjoy the rewards of your hard work
without harming your overall
quality of life.
Change the punctuation
?
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure by having distinct paragraphs with clear ideas, each supported by relevant examples and details. Consider beginning each paragraph with a topic sentence that states the paragraph's main idea, followed by supporting sentences that develop the idea comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Include a distinct introduction that states your thesis or the main argument of the essay. Similarly, ensure that the conclusion summarises the main points discussed, restates your overall viewpoint and provides a clear resolution to the topic at hand.
task achievement
The essay must address all parts of the task. While the essay presents both advantages and disadvantages, it could provide a more balanced view by exploring both aspects more evenly and connecting them more explicitly to the question posed.
task achievement
Ideas presented in your essay should be clearly articulated and developed. While the essay contains some clear ideas, further detail and explanation would strengthen the argument and the overall clarity of the essay.
task achievement
Be sure to provide relevant and specific examples to support each point you make, which helps to make your argument more convincing. While the essay includes examples, strive for more specific details to better illustrate your points and to enhance your task response score.
