Poverty is a problem that affects the majority of children these days. Discuss the effects of poverty on society and suggest some solutions to this problem.
Poverty is a common problem in the world that
brings
Verb problem
apply
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
to
many Change preposition
apply
children
. In my opinion, it has negative impacts on society and the best solution to overcome this
trouble is to give free education.
In this
modern society, poverty is a challenging problem that gives adults including offspring negative effects such
as problems to purchase healthy foodfood
. Many of them prefer to buy cheap Correct your spelling
food
not healthy
Rephrase
unhealthy
food
rather than buying healthy meals that are expensive. Moreover
, it can affect their bodies
about how it would be grow. For instance
, stunting is a problem in Indonesia since it shows how bad the growing bodies
of children
.
Most of their parents bring them instant Add a missing verb
are.
food
which is bad for their bodies
. As a result
, their bodies
may get ill easily since it's not healthy and safe.
The case need
to be stopped by making a rule from governments. The rule requires governments to allocate free healthy foods for offspring at schools. I heard Change the verb form
needs
this
rule from a president in an Asian country. For example
, not every children
can bring Change to a singular noun
child
food
to school but with
Change preposition
apply
this
action which
provides healthy cooking for students. Meals can be changed from fried chicken at home to green vegetables at school. Not only Correct pronoun usage
apply
its
help Correct your spelling
does it
children
but also
helps their parents to not much worry about their food
.
In conclusion, poverty is an inevitable issue that brings disadvantages for people in the world. One of the solutions that can be done is doing a restriction from governments.Submitted by ieltswriting91 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear and cohesive structure, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument. Introduce clear paragraphs with topic sentences, and use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is weak and does not adequately set the stage for the discussion. Consider including a stronger thesis statement and outlining the main points you will discuss. In the conclusion, summarise the main points and reiterate the thesis without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Main points are not fully developed and need further support and elaboration. Use more specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The response does not fully address all parts of the task. There is a mention of the effects of poverty and a suggested solution, but the development is insufficient. Expand on how poverty impacts society as a whole, not just children, and provide a more comprehensive discussion of potential solutions.
task achievement
Some ideas presented are relevant but need to be more comprehensive and clearer. Work on developing your ideas fully and making your stance clear throughout the essay. Provide a deeper analysis of how poverty affects society and detail the proposed solutions to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from more relevant and specific examples. Use real-world instances that directly relate to the effects of poverty on society and the effectiveness of proposed solutions. This strengthens the credibility and persuasiveness of your argument.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...