IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Poverty is a problem that affects the majority of children these days. Discuss the effects of poverty on society and suggest some solutions to this problem.

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Poverty is a common problem in the world that
brings
Verb problem
apply
show examples
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many
children
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, it has negative impacts on society and the best solution to overcome
this
Linking Words
 trouble is to give free education. In
this
Linking Words
 modern society, poverty is a challenging problem that gives adults including offspring negative effects
such
Linking Words
 as problems to purchase healthy
foodfood
Correct your spelling
food
. Many of them prefer to buy cheap
not healthy
Rephrase
unhealthy
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 rather than buying healthy meals that are expensive.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can affect their
bodies
Use synonyms
 about how it would be grow.
For instance
Linking Words
, stunting is a problem in Indonesia since it shows how bad the growing
bodies
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
.
Add a missing verb
are.
show examples
 Most of their parents bring them instant
food
Use synonyms
 which is bad for their
bodies
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, their
bodies
Use synonyms
 may get ill easily since it's not healthy and safe. The case
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be stopped by making a rule from governments. The rule requires governments to allocate free healthy foods for offspring at schools. I heard
this
Linking Words
 rule from a president in an Asian country.
For example
Linking Words
, not every
Use synonyms
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
 can bring
food
Use synonyms
 to school but
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 action
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
provides healthy cooking for students. Meals can be changed from fried chicken at home to green vegetables at school. Not only
its
Correct your spelling
does it
show examples
 help
children
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 helps their parents to not much worry about their
food
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, poverty is an inevitable issue that brings disadvantages for people in the world. One of the solutions that can be done is doing a restriction from governments.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear and cohesive structure, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument. Introduce clear paragraphs with topic sentences, and use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is weak and does not adequately set the stage for the discussion. Consider including a stronger thesis statement and outlining the main points you will discuss. In the conclusion, summarise the main points and reiterate the thesis without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Main points are not fully developed and need further support and elaboration. Use more specific examples and detailed explanations to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The response does not fully address all parts of the task. There is a mention of the effects of poverty and a suggested solution, but the development is insufficient. Expand on how poverty impacts society as a whole, not just children, and provide a more comprehensive discussion of potential solutions.
task achievement
Some ideas presented are relevant but need to be more comprehensive and clearer. Work on developing your ideas fully and making your stance clear throughout the essay. Provide a deeper analysis of how poverty affects society and detail the proposed solutions to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from more relevant and specific examples. Use real-world instances that directly relate to the effects of poverty on society and the effectiveness of proposed solutions. This strengthens the credibility and persuasiveness of your argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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