Some people say that subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing are more beneficial to children and therefore they need more of these subjects to be included in the timetable. Do you agree or disagree?
In recent years, many people
are
more Wrong verb form
have become
interesting
Replace the word
interested
about
their hobbies Change preposition
in
what
they want to be in the future. So, some people believe that studying artistic Correct word choice
and what
subjects
should learn more. I totally agree that
statement because of learning Change preposition
with that
on
Change preposition
apply
the
interesting things may Correct article usage
apply
success
in our life.
It is true to say that understanding what numerous people should learn in artistic Replace the word
succeed
subjects
than theoretical subjects
such
as Physics, Chemistry and Mathematics. When one of the learners are
acquiring Correct subject-verb agreement
is
skill
in Fix the agreement mistake
skills
art
, they can concentrate more than others on everything. Researchers also
prove that learning
artistic Verb problem
apply
person
have more creative ideas and innovation. Fix the agreement mistake
people
For example
, Correct article usage
a numbers
numbers
of famous Fix the agreement mistake
number
artist
like Taylor Swift, BTS and Blackpink Fix the agreement mistake
artists
who are
really Wrong verb form
have
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoyed
an
Remove the article
apply
art
and dancing since they were child
. Fix the agreement mistake
children
Consequently
, they become one
of the most famous Correct determiner usage
some
person
not only in Fix the agreement mistake
people
art
but also
others
like Change preposition
in others
Correct article usage
the environmental
environmental
.
Replace the word
environment
Furthermore
, arts dominates
everywhere and every sector on the planet. Some Change the verb form
dominate
of
Change preposition
apply
the
politicians and Correct article usage
apply
environmentalist
support many artists Fix the agreement mistake
environmentalists
by
many ways because Change preposition
in
artist
can influence their audience by painting, singing, writing poems and acting. One of the remarkable things happened in the United States’ history. In Add an article
the artist
an artist
Correct article usage
the 2020’s
2020’s
election, Taylor Swift Change noun form
2020
promoted
her audience to Verb problem
encouraged
give
Verb problem
apply
a
vote Correct article usage
apply
on
Joe Biden Change preposition
for
by
her song called “Only The Young”.
In conclusion, any Change preposition
with
kinds
of Fix the agreement mistake
kind
art
are
really important for everyone and every sector. That’s why, artistic Correct subject-verb agreement
is
subjects
should be included in the schedule, moreover
, it can reduce their stress and pressure. As a result
, I totally agree to learn art
more than others.Submitted by thurasoe1992.ac on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Transition words should be used more effectively to guide the reader through the points being made.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are both present, but they are simplistic and need to be developed further. The introduction should clearly state the writer's position while the conclusion should reinforce that position, summarizing the main points of the argument made within the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Main points require better support with clearly explained arguments and evidence. Rather than simply stating an opinion, each point should be substantiated with relevant examples or explanations of why the point is valid.
task achievement
The response addresses the task, but it would benefit from a more complete development of ideas. Instead of making numerous assertions, the writer should focus on exploring a few ideas in depth.
task achievement
The essay's ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. The writer should work on articulating thoughts in a more structured and precise manner, avoiding over-generalizations and inaccuracies.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples is good, but they should be directly linked to the argument being made. Also, real-world examples should be factual and accurate.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.