some people say that subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing are more beneficial to children and therefore they need more of these subjects to be included in the timetable. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #subjects #arts #music #drama #children #timetable

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this

digital era, many human beings believe that

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

need to reform their curriculum by adding more

subjects

, which are art, music, drama and creative writing,

while

some people argue that

these kind

Change the determiner

this kind

these kinds

show examples

subjects

should be set up as activities partially with the timetable for youths in

school

This

essay will be focused on the formal

school

system and I disagree with

this

statement,

To begin

with, there are a lot of positive and negative effects in

this

society,

due to

the fact that adding more artistic

subjects

can

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

make

lacks

Fix the agreement mistake

lack

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of interest among students in some parts,

such

as medical or engineering

education

Consequently

, teenagers are required to teach about mathematics for calculations and management skills, including

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

physics and chemistry.

As well as

, their native language to communicate in early childhood

education

On the other hand

, the middle or high schools, if they provide the arts,

such

as music , painting and drama, and creative writing,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

would be more beneficial for youngsters and communities. In my perspective, artistic

subjects

and innovative writing

essay

Fix the agreement mistake

essays

show examples

Add a missing verb

are more

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vital for those who are keen

Change preposition

apply

show examples

to learn about arts.

As a result

, they can pursue their passions or majors to create

better

Correct article usage

a better

show examples

future or life continuously in the university. In conclusion, adding

subjects

like art , music, drama and creative writing should be considered to establish in the

school

curriculum in middle and

high

Correct word choice

higher

show examples

education

rather than elementary

education

in terms of children’s brain development.

Submitted by thurasoe1992.ac on Thu Dec 28 2023

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task achievement

The essay attempts to respond to the task with a clear opinion, but the argument and examples are not fully developed or convincing. Ensure your ideas are fully extended with clear explanation and relevant examples.

coherence cohesion

The coherence of the essay could be improved by better transitioning between ideas and paragraphs. Make sure to use a range of cohesive devices effectively and check paragraphing for clear and logical flow of ideas.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

247 words

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some people say that subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing are more beneficial to children and therefore they need more of these subjects to be included in the timetable. Do you agree or disagree.

Word Count

Today, the life expectancy of people is much higher than before. Some people think that older should continue to be involved in the workplace. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is important for people to take risks both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages. Give reasons for your answer and give relevant answer.

Because of the global economy, many goods including what we use as everyday basics produced by other countries have to be transported for a long distance. TO what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Fewer young people are not fit or active today.Why is it? What can be done to encourage more young people to do sports?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.