IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that the higher a product is priced, the more likely it is that people will want to buy it. To what extent does price influence potential buyers? What other factors influence people to buy a product?

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Nowadays many
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 still think that the only reason, which makes
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
buying
Wrong verb form
buy

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb buying. Consider changing it.

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 something is the price of a product. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 statement because in my opinion, the price is not a
detemining
Correct your spelling
determining

If you don’t want detemining to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

factor, but the affordability is. On the one hand, I bet everyone knows a person, who would buy the latest
Iphone`s
Correct your spelling
iPhone`s

The word Iphone doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 version or fly to Maldives on vacation, using their credit cards or even borrowing large sums of money in order to do that. What makes them do so? The answer is status. They want to "pin" themselves on a certain level of society,
create
Correct word choice
and create

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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 a mask of a rich person, no matter if it is really so.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 type of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a lot of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, who get a good salary just can afford higher-priced products and there is nothing to blame them on. When you can afford a better life quality -
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 you do it. One day you will be happy to use a bike as a vehicle, but there might be
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 day
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker when. Consider removing the comma.

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 when driving your new Audi is not enough and you want to buy a better car. And I think that
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is the main factor when you want to buy something. To summarize, I hope that
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 will stop thinking that the price of products they buy says something about them as a person
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker because. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
 because it is probably the main reason for them wanting to buy high-priced products. There is no
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 thing that would describe you better, than your personality and what
do
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb do appears to be unnecessary here.

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you prefer to spend your money for.
For that
Change preposition
That

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 topic perfectly suits
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 quote "No matter how much your shoes cost, if you walk
on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
 them in Paris".

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Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction is lacking a clear thesis statement outlining the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt. Ensure that the introduction succinctly presents the central argument to guide the reader.
Logical Structure & Cohesion
There are issues with logical flow and coherence. Paragraphs should be well-organized, each discussing a single point related to the prompt with transitional phrases to ensure smooth progression.
Supporting Evidence
You need to develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. Your essay mentions several ideas but fails to elaborate on them adequately, rendering your arguments weak.
Task Response
The response is somewhat relevant but lacks a fully developed answer to the question. Ensure that you address all parts of the prompt thoroughly, demonstrating an understanding of the topic by covering the reasons why people are influenced by product pricing and other factors in their purchasing decisions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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