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Writing Samples /
Band 4

some people think watichg cinema in moiles,tables is good.some people think going to cinema is good. discuss both ideas and give your opinopn

#people #watichg #cinema #moiles #tables #opinopn
In nowadays
Correct word choice
Nowadays
show examples
 global universe
have
Verb problem
is
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 highly involved in entertainment with
vast
Change the article
a vast
the vast
show examples
 number of cinnamic movies and cinemas
while
 some people believe watching
cinema
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 small
screens
 concludes that
such
 as phones and tablets is enough to enjoy them,
however
, some humans accept that attending to
cinema
 and enjoying them is more joyful.In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will be discussing both opinions. With modern technology and highly modified camera lenses
features
 in today's world containing a huge number of vivid, colourful and high-quality cinematic films and cinemas,
however
, some prefer watching them in movie theatres or in
cinnama
Correct your spelling
cinema
cinnamon
 halls is more enjoyable because
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cinema
Fix the agreement mistake
cinemas
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 have
a massive
Correct the article-noun agreement
massive screens
a massive screen
show examples
screens
 with modern screen
features
as well as
 big eye-catching graphics.
Moreover
Add a comma
,
show examples
with
cinnams
Change the capitalization
Cinnams
show examples
, they have got hyper bass and super quality sound
system
,
air-conditioned
Correct article usage
an air-conditioned
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 environment and the best
system
 of seating with very comfortable chairs.I
also
 mention that having a break
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
halfway
to
Change preposition
through
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 a movie is another plus point because people will get some rest in the middle movie for their eyes.
In addition
 in
cinnamas
Correct your spelling
cinemas
, they provide washrooms,toilets and other
features
 including food and beverages.
However
,Some people expect and attend for
cinema
 with their personal electric divers
such
 as mobiles,
tablets
Correct word choice
and tablets
show examples
 because they think it is more convenient to use mobiles at home or somewhere they prefer rather than going to cinnamon.Yet there are good and bad sides to enjoying them
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 small
screens
.In
extend
Change the verb form
extending
show examples
 ideas regarding
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
 them
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 tablets,lack of music and sound
system
 and less
graphic
Fix the agreement mistake
graphics
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 could occur.
Moreover
 holding the phone with hands for hours and focusing on small
screens
 can
eligible
Add a missing verb
be eligible
show examples
 for bad eyes as well. In my
opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
, there are advantages and disadvantages in both going to Cinnams and watching them
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 mobile,But I believe that going to Cinnama is more joyful and enjoyable with experiencing the best
features
 with ultrasound
system
 and quality graphic screen with big graphics than mobile phones,not only that
as well as
 having a feeling like you going out exploring new
cinnama
Correct your spelling
cinema
cinnamon
 and meet new technology of
cinema
 industry and experiencing them at its best.
Submitted by nipunhasmitha97 on

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task achievement
Your essay tends to veer off topic frequently, with many sentences lacking relevance to the central discussion points. Ensure that each paragraph focuses strictly on the discussion of the ideas presented in the task prompt. Avoid introducing tangential thoughts or unrelated concepts.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is disrupted by numerous grammatical errors and misspelled words. Aim for clarity by using simple, correct language rather than complex language structures that are prone to error. Consider the accurate use of transitional phrases to better link ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your main points require further development and support with relevant examples. It is critical to ground your arguments in concrete specifics rather than broad generalizations to enhance the persuasiveness and relevancy of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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