Governments give lots of support to artists, even though some people think​ ​it is a waste of money that could have been spent better elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In the modern era, governments give more support to
artists
, some
people
think it's a loss of
money
that could have been spent
elsewhere
. These days
artists
are growing.most
people
like
this
. In my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
governments
allocate
Wrong verb form
allocating
show examples
money
to
artists
is good. The following paragraph will discuss that. On the one hand, nowadays
artists
Change noun form
artists'
artist's
show examples
subjects are interesting to study. So many students like to learn. Before years many
people
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
consider that.not respect
this
subject.but now these subjects are more valuable.
For example
,
artists
including
Replace the word
include
show examples
some subjects
such
as music, art, drama,
dance
Correct word choice
and dance
show examples
. These are the very special
talent
Fix the agreement mistake
talents
show examples
of every person. And we can learn without
Add a missing verb
being bore
show examples
bore
Replace the word
bored
show examples
.
Furthermore
, students can improve their own lifestyles and their skills.
that is
help to their future. Do not
depend
Add the preposition
depend on
show examples
others.
That is
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
chance.so I feel very happy
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
allocate
money
from the government.
On the other hand
, more
people
think
allocate
Wrong verb form
that allocating
show examples
money
to
artists
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is wrong. But I do not accept that.because
this
generation going to
very
Add a missing verb
be very
show examples
different.so young
people
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
more interest
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
own skills and knowledge development.
As well as
these
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
can give happiness and
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
.
For instance
, these days
increased
Verb problem
apply
show examples
many talent show departments, so it is
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
opportunity. And more humans spent their time
to relate
Verb problem
on
show examples
this
. In conclusion, the government allocate
money
to
artists
. But not only
this
. It is good work. Many
people
get the benefits from that.so I believe
this
government decision is very nice.so every
people
will use
good
Correct pronoun usage
it good
show examples
way and without
distoub
Correct your spelling
disturb
others.
Submitted by ajeevatharsan on

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure a clear logical structure by organizing your essay into an introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the following sentences support that topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion should mirror each other in terms of the points made, and the conclusion should neatly summarize the discussion without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your main points should be developed and supported with specific examples or explanations. Aim to fully flesh out your ideas to show depth of analysis.
task achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the task, providing a balanced discussion of both views and your own opinion. Your opinion should be clear and consistently maintained throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your ideas should be clear and easy to understand, with each paragraph comprehensively covering a single topic. Avoid overgeneralization and strive for a clear progression of ideas.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to support your points. The examples should be specific and clearly linked to the points you are making. These examples can be drawn from your knowledge and experience or from broader observations.
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