IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Governments give lots of support to artists, even though some people think​ ​it is a waste of money that could have been spent better elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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In the modern era, governments give more support to
artists
Use synonyms
, some
people
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 think it's a loss of
money
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 that could have been spent
elsewhere
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. These days
artists
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 are growing.most
people
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 like
this
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. In my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 governments
allocate
Wrong verb form
allocating
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money
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 to
artists
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 is good. The following paragraph will discuss that. On the one hand, nowadays
Use synonyms
artists
Change noun form
artists'
artist's
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 subjects are interesting to study. So many students like to learn. Before years many
people
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not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
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 consider that.not respect
this
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 subject.but now these subjects are more valuable.
For example
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,
artists
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including
Replace the word
include
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 some subjects
such
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 as music, art, drama,
dance
Correct word choice
and dance
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. These are the very special
talent
Fix the agreement mistake
talents
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 of every person. And we can learn without
Add a missing verb
being bore
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bore
Replace the word
bored
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.
Furthermore
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, students can improve their own lifestyles and their skills.
that is
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 help to their future. Do not
depend
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depend on
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 others.
That is
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good
Change the article
a good
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 chance.so I feel very happy
for
Change preposition
to
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 allocate
money
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 from the government.
On the other hand
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, more
people
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 think
allocate
Wrong verb form
that allocating
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money
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 to
artists
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Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is wrong. But I do not accept that.because
this
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 generation going to
very
Add a missing verb
be very
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 different.so young
people
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give
Verb problem
have
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 more interest
their
Change preposition
in their
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 own skills and knowledge development.
As well as
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 these
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 can give happiness and
confident
Replace the word
confidence
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.
For instance
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, these days
increased
Verb problem
apply
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many talent show departments, so it is
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 opportunity. And more humans spent their time
to relate
Verb problem
on
show examples
this
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. In conclusion, the government allocate
money
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 to
artists
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. But not only
this
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. It is good work. Many
people
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 get the benefits from that.so I believe
this
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 government decision is very nice.so every
people
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 will use
good
Correct pronoun usage
it good
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 way and without
distoub
Correct your spelling
disturb
 others.

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure a clear logical structure by organizing your essay into an introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the following sentences support that topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion should mirror each other in terms of the points made, and the conclusion should neatly summarize the discussion without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your main points should be developed and supported with specific examples or explanations. Aim to fully flesh out your ideas to show depth of analysis.
task achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the task, providing a balanced discussion of both views and your own opinion. Your opinion should be clear and consistently maintained throughout the essay.
task achievement
Your ideas should be clear and easy to understand, with each paragraph comprehensively covering a single topic. Avoid overgeneralization and strive for a clear progression of ideas.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to support your points. The examples should be specific and clearly linked to the points you are making. These examples can be drawn from your knowledge and experience or from broader observations.
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