IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

International tourism has brought enormous benefit to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the disadvantages?

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These days the key source of income in many countries is international
tourism
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 which has numerous advantages
while
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 it can influence negatively native residents and the environment. In my opinion, the pros of
this
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 trend are more than its cons as it can increase job opportunities and give a better look to the
cities
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. On the one hand,
tourism
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 can harm local inhabitants and wildlife as well.
Firstly
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, the majority of people who live in
such
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 regions may suffer from the high cost of living. By way of example, in my country, Isfahan is one of the major
cities
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 where the destination attracts many tourists because of its magnificent landmarks and outstanding galleries. the myriad of local individuals in Isfahan have to move away to the suburbs to be able to earn their living
due to
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 the higher price of products, accommodation, food, and so on.
Secondly
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, an unjustified offence has been committed which is ruining animals' habitats to build far more recreational areas and hotels for visitors.
Due to
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this
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, many species are endangered by extinction.
For instance
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, in the North of my country, deforestation has been done and the life of a peculiar type of Chitta is threatened.
On the other hand
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, in spite of the drawbacks mentioned above, I believe that
tourism
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 is beneficial. By far the most significant impact of
tourism
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 is that it brings about economic growth. Because tourists who are able to afford overseas holidays tend to spend a great deal of money on residential areas, museums, restaurants, and markets.
Therefore
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, employment opportunities would be increased by
this
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 activity.
For example
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, people who have graduated in
tourism
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 can be the tour guide for foreigners.
Also
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, the government tries to keep
cities
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 in good shape and provides more equipment
such
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 as public transportation to attract more passengers.
Thus
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,
this
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 trend not only causes the emergence of more occupants but
also
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 makes the state invest in improving facilities and the look of
cities
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.
In addition
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, investment can be made in preserving the natural habitat of rare species. In conclusion, in my point of view, the positive influences of
tourism
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 outweigh its detrimental effects. By earning more money, all those problems can be solved.

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear position throughout the response, which is good for task response. However, you need to ensure that all parts of the task are equally covered. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the conclusion could be expanded to reemphasize your position and summarize the key points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have organized your essay into clear paragraphs, which is good, but it can benefit from better cohesion between ideas. Pay attention to how you logically order and sequence information. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between points.
task achievement
Plan your essay to cover all aspects of the prompt in a balanced way. Each paragraph should have a clear main point supported by relevant details and examples. Avoid generalizations and strive to include more specific information relevant to the question posed.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, they could be more specific and detailed. Ensure the examples you provide directly support the argument you are making and that they are fully developed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enormous benefit
  • impact
  • local inhabitants
  • environment
  • disadvantages
  • outweigh
  • advantages
  • economic benefits
  • job creation
  • cultural exchange
  • infrastructure development
  • promotion
  • local products
  • environmental impact
  • exploitation
  • resources
  • cultural erosion
  • increased cost of living
  • overcrowding
  • congestion
  • balancing
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
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