IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Task 2: In some countries, more young adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? Discuss both views

#countries #adults #parents #education #jobs
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Indroduction
Correct your spelling
Introduction
 In
this
Linking Words
 period of
modernity
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modernity,
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 many people are more young adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed
education
Correct pronoun usage
their education
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 and found jobs.In my opinion,I
strangorly
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strongly
strangely
agree
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agree on
agree to
agree with
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 whit
this
Linking Words
 notion and my opinion will be discussed in
further
Linking Words
 paragraphs with a suitable conclusion. Body paragraph 1 supporting my agreement
to
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with
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 the given statement.I firmly believe that my country
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 many young students
continue
Correct pronoun usage
who continue
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 to live
their
Change preposition
with their
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 parents even after they have completed
education
Correct pronoun usage
their education
show examples
 and found jobs. Body paragraph 2
Explaning
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Explaining
 some of
the
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apply
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another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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supportings
Correct your spelling
supporting
 points in favour
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 drawbacks ,including practicings to live independently and building their own
life
Add the comma(s)
life,
show examples
 are more significant . conclusion In conclusion,Many people are more young adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed
education
Correct pronoun usage
their education
show examples
 and found jobs.I believe that
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
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 points are strongly supporting my point of view.
Submitted by ilhanctg2019 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear logical structure, with body paragraphs not distinctly discussing the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. It's crucial to organize your essay so that each paragraph has a clear focus and purpose, contributing to a coherent argument or discussion. Aim to begin with a topic sentence that signals what the paragraph will be about, followed by supporting sentences, and end with a concluding sentence that ties back to the main theme. This will significantly enhance the clarity and effectiveness of your writing.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they lack clarity and do not effectively paraphrase the question or clearly state the writer's opinion. Both paragraphs should bookend the essay, setting out your position in the introduction and summarizing the main points in the conclusion, restating your view without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
Your essay needs to include specific examples and explanations that support each point made. Without these, the essay fails to convincingly develop an argument or discussion. Use relevant examples, evidence, or personal experiences to substantiate your claims, making your essay more persuasive and informative.
task achievement
The essay does not satisfactorily complete the task as it does not discuss both views or clearly explain why you agree that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Ensure that you respond to all parts of the task prompt, providing a balanced discussion and a clear position. The reader should clearly understand what these advantages and disadvantages are and why one might be considered to outweigh the other.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cohabitation
  • intergenerational living
  • self-sufficiency
  • financial stability
  • maturation
  • dependency
  • socio-economic factors
  • familial dynamics
  • personal autonomy
  • housing affordability
  • cultural expectations
  • life trajectory
  • emotional resilience
  • nuclear family
  • joint family system
  • economic prudence
  • privacy concerns
  • social stigma
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