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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show information about the percentage of government spending on education, the average number of years of education completed and the average annual income per person in US dollars in five different countries in 2010.

The charts below show information about the percentage of government spending on education, the average number of years of education completed and the average annual income per person in US dollars in five different countries in 2010.
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of the government expenditure on
education
Use synonyms
 in 5 different countries in 2010,
while
Linking Words
 the other chart
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 how many years of study
completed
Add a missing verb
were completed
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 the average
income
Use synonyms
 per capita in each country in US dollars.
Overall
Linking Words
, South Africa
remained
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest percentage of money imposed
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
education
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Ireland
being
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the
fewest
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 number of money spent. In terms of how many
Use synonyms
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 used and the annual
income
Use synonyms
 per person, Switzerland experienced the longest
year
Use synonyms
 spent for
education
Use synonyms
 and the highest
income
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the first figure showed that the first country
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 spent above 15% of their money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 was only South
africa
Change the capitalization
Africa
show examples
.
Three
Change preposition
In three
show examples
 countries, including Switzerland, Bangladesh, and China, annual spending
were hovered
Change to the active voice
hovered
have hovered
show examples
 between the range
10
Change preposition
of 10
show examples
% to 15%. Only a small number of educational funding were spent by Ireland's government, approximately 9%. The second figure
represents
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 that Switzerland's
education
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
took
show examples
 the longest time to finish and
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 annual wage per person, accounting for 13 years with 57,000
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
 per
year
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Ireland's
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 of
education
Use synonyms
 and annual
income
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 higher than
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
 countries, which were South
africa
Change the capitalization
Africa
show examples
, China, and Bangladesh, with Bangladesh
remained
Wrong verb form
remaining
show examples
 the
least
Correct your spelling
last
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
 spent and annual wage.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words education, income, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Government spending
  • Education investment
  • Human capital
  • Educational attainment
  • Cultural values
  • Accessibility
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Economic theories
  • Industrialization
  • Socio-economic inequalities
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