IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A number of People are moving from rural areas to cities. Is it a positive or a negative development?

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At present time, some
people
Use synonyms
 from rural
areas
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 are immigrating to cities. I strongly believe
this
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 situation
invite
Change the verb form
invites
show examples
 positive changes
such
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 as it can raise the
development
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 of human resources.
However
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, it
also
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 can bring downside namely uneven distribution of
population
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. On one hand,
immigration
Correct article usage
the immigration
show examples
 of rural
people
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 can upgrade the
development
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 of human resources. In the
city
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, the occupation atmosphere is more competitive, which forces them to be professional and keep developing their capabilities through certain training programs in order to get jobs and obtain enough money.
Moreover
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 in the education field, if we compare the public facilities
such
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 as schools that are provided in the
city
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, it will seem that they are more advanced than schools that are located in the rural area. Even though they require extra money for tuition fees,
however
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, they have comfortable and complete facilities to support student non and academic
development
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. These matters genuinely influence the quality of human resource capabilities.
For example
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,
city
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 schools have a lot of media learning and well-structured curriculum to help and support
students
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students'
student's
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 ability progress.
On the other hand
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,
population
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 movement from rural to urban
areas
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 can increase uneven distribution of
population
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. Dissatisfaction
of
Change preposition
with
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 society that
live
Correct subject-verb agreement
lives
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 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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rural
areas
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 influences the existence of urbanization in large numbers. In fact, the
population
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 density in the
city
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 reached a high number, if there is movement
folk
Change preposition
of folk
show examples
 in large numbers to the
city
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, it surely can raise the number density
population
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. Highly high-density
population
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 can have downside effects on local
people
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,
for example
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, the existence of limited job vacancies, lack of sufficient land to live in, and increased poverty rates. In conclusion the migration of
people
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 from rural to urban
areas
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 like cities, it will give advantages
such
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 as raising the
development
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 of human resources and disadvantage points namely increasing uneven distribution of
population
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.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical progression in certain points, causing the reader to have difficulty following the argument.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, but they can be further improved by stating the thesis more explicitly and summarizing the key points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
While the essay contains main points, they need to be supported by more detailed and specific examples. The use of examples is crucial to effectively illustrate and strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Ensure that all aspects of the task are covered in sufficient detail. The essay addresses the topic, but some parts of the discussion could be expanded for depth and clarity.
task achievement
Ideas are presented but occasionally lack clarity and detail. Strive for more precision and depth in presenting your arguments.
task achievement
More specific examples from real life, studies, or hypothetical situations should be included to reinforce the points made in the essay and to demonstrate a higher level of task achievement.
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