As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs. Describe some job positions that may be lost becaue of computers, and discuss at least one problem that may result.

The development of technology is inevitable
where
Correct word choice
and
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happens everywhere and anytime. Computers have modern tools where they able to do human
jobs
. It leads to the rising movement of unemployment which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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a problem in people's lives.
To begin
with, automation can be used to do any kind of job like a human working. A position
relate
Wrong verb form
related
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to an activity at a restaurant where a worker is required to work fast can be done by computers.
For instance
,
instead
of calling a human bartender, an owner at a sushi restaurant
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
to choose machines as their workers because they tend to do it faster. A machine is not only faster but it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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also
has
a
Change the article
the
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capability to do something that humans can not do.
As a result
, for the next few years, business owners may choose technology as their helper.
Jobs
replaced by computers could make many individuals face poverty. Limited sources of income create hard times for a community to find primary needs.
For example
, research shows that more than 25% population lose their
jobs
because of machines. If finding a position is hard
then
searching for food is not easy. People might lose some motivation because of
this
. It results that technology could be a dangerous tool where companies do not need any
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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for working
Change preposition
to work
show examples
.
Consequently
,
jobs
would not be accessible easily for the majority of people. In conclusion, technological advancement might help some communities for their own benefit but at the same time, it could reduce incomes for many individuals.
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task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. You should describe specific job positions in detail that may be lost and discuss the problem with more depth and focus on the implications.
coherence cohesion
When focusing on coherence and cohesion, make sure that your essay flows logically from one idea to the next, using a range of cohesive devices. In addition, your introduction and conclusion should clearly reflect the topic and relate to each other.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Automated systems
  • Artificial Intelligence (AI)
  • Robotics
  • Automation
  • Self-checkout
  • Online shopping
  • Online booking platforms
  • Online banking
  • Automated Teller Machines (ATMs)
  • Unemployment rates
  • Skills gap
  • Workforce
  • Economic inequality
  • High-skilled workers
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