Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It
is believe
that unsalaried community servants ought to be an obligatory sector of secondary school timetables.I completely disagree with Change the verb form
is believed
this
statement for several rational reasons which i
will argue in Change the capitalization
I
this
essay. In my opinion,the idea of compulsory community service is not beneficial due to
a number of causes.To begin
with,students don
not have a heavy and full timetable.Correct your spelling
do
For example
,i
reminisce that when Change the capitalization
I
i
was a student we were under the tension of academic lessons Change the capitalization
I
such
as difference ,biology and chemistry.Thus
,we were not able to do any extra activity during that period.Secondly
,pupils are reluctant to do these kinds of jobs without any rewards and completely complimentary.Consequently
,they don
not have strong enthusiasm and motivation to perform well.
Correct your spelling
do
On the other hand
,voluntary activities have influenced students` lives positively as they can expand their horizons.One of the prominent impacts is that children can gain more experience and detect their interests through these optional careers,so their resumes have been sharpened.Thus
,their chance of being employed in a good company will rise due to
these days,finding a decent occupation is hard and the majority of individuals are in competition.In addition
,their social skills like communicating with diverse people,and conducting teamwork with other
who have different backgrounds and knowledge will grow in Fix the agreement mistake
others
hem
.Correct your spelling
them
For instance
,when i
was a student,Change the capitalization
I
i
took part voluntarily in a photography studio which has brought me numerous benefits.
In conclusion,mandatory community servants should not be regarded in the school curriculum as pupils do not have time to do them and they should focus on their academic lectures and they are not willing to work without any wage.Change the capitalization
I
Moreover
,if people do voluntary activities,they will help them achieve more career opportunities and interpersonal skills.(307-words)Submitted by akbarturdiyev06 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas and clearer paragraphing to maintain cohesiveness throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could be made more impactful by clearly stating your position and summarising main points.
coherence cohesion
To improve your main points, it is imperative to develop them further with more robust and detailed explanations or examples that are directly related to the topic.
task achievement
Your complete response to the task is evident, but it needs to be expanded with more thorough and varied ideas.
task achievement
Offer clear and comprehensive ideas, ensuring each paragraph carries a central idea that is elaborated on.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments, which will enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your essay.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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