Some people think that old people should not be forced by law to retire at a certain age if they wish to continue working. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In some countries, there are strict regulations regarding the maximum
ages
for Fix the agreement mistake
age
workers
. Some people argue that this
law should not be applied as human
has Add an article
a human
the human
freedom
to choose, including to continue working. I, Add an article
the freedom
moreoever
agree with the statement that government should not Correct your spelling
moreover
enforce
people to stop working Verb problem
force
due to
several benefits for the experienced workers
.
To begin
with, employees with more experiences
are still needed in the current situation. Several companies might be able to hire Fix the agreement mistake
experience
the
Correct article usage
apply
matured
experts as Replace the word
mature
an
Correct article usage
apply
advisor
, Fix the agreement mistake
advisors
due to
the longer period in the field. Not only their knowledge might be beneficial for the employer, their
ability to give guidance Correct word choice
but their
for
junior employees might Change preposition
to
also
be required for companies'
sustainability. Correct article usage
the companies'
Therefore
, if government
forces them to retire, Correct article usage
the government
this
situation will impact badly to the organizations.
As people get mature, moreoever
, there are more responsibilities they are carrying. When Correct your spelling
moreover
workers
with experience have to retire, they will not get regular incomes. As a consequence
, their life situation will get
Verb problem
become
worsened
financially. Replace the word
worse
In addition
to the
financial problems, health issues might Correct article usage
apply
also
appear by the time a person stops working. This
is mainly because
the regular routine that suddenly changes.
In Add the preposition
because of
a
summary, the regulations regarding age limits of employees need to be pulled off. Correct article usage
apply
Due to
the experience and knowledge that older workers
have gained, the law will disadvantage not only the retired person,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
the organizations where they work. Moreover
, the
financial and health Correct article usage
apply
problem
will appear Fix the agreement mistake
problems
due to
the condition.Submitted by 2024successielts on
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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction presents the topic and your opinion clearly. The conclusion should effectively summarize the key points without introducing new information. Stick to a clear opinion throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas logically, using clear paragraphing. Strive to link ideas with appropriate connectors to enhance flow. Aim for a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your main ideas. Less generic and more detailed examples will strengthen your argument. Develop the implications or consequences of your points to enhance depth and analysis.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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