IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Read the question below and write an essay dealing with Advantages and Disadvantages. You should spend no more than 40 minutes on this task. Remember to write down a clear thesis statement followed by your essay plan. Only then attempt to write this essay. Populations in developing nations are rapidly growing, people now believe that we should turn to GM crops to increase the production of food grains. Discuss the Advantages and Disadvantages of this approach.

#minutes #thesis #plan #attempt #populations #nations #people #gm #crops #production #food #grains #approach
There is no denying
fact
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the fact
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 that the
phenomena
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phenomenon
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 of
GM
crops
 to
develope
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develop
production
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the production
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 of
food
 grain is ubiquitous across the globe
due to
 its importance.
Majority
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The majority
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 of folks are in
the
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apply
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favour of
this
 statement
due to
 its number of merits.
However
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However,
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 some of the people highlight its demerits first. In my
further
 paragraph,
advantages
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the advantages
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 and disadvantages of the same will be discussed. Initiating with the benefits of the same, the first and foremost key benefit is that these days population is increasing rapidly, peoples need more space to live
therefore
 agriculture land are decreasing.
Although
,
GM
crops
required
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require
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 less space to grow.
For example
, the technology is so increased that some
peoples
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people
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 are growing
GM
crop
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crops
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 in their
home
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homes
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 because they need organic
food
 and they not have enough
sapce
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space
 to cultivate them. Another
benifit
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benefit
 which can strike the minds of the people
can be
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is
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 by eating
GM
crops
 they get
great
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a great
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 amount of
nutritions
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nutrition
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 with fewer pesticides. To cite an example,
modern days
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modern-day
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 farmers are using more pesticides because of
there
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their
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 greed
asa
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as
 a result
peoples
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people
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 are
suffring
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suffering
 from enormous health issues. On its darker side, some of the drawbacks which
makes
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make
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 it problematic are
Firstly
, by eating
GM
crops
 may suffer from allergic reactions or increased antibiotic resistance.
Secondly
, the overproduction of
GM
food
 will eventually lose efficacy.
For instance
,
Gm
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a Gm
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soyaben
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soybean
 crop
create
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created
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 using DNA from a
brazzile
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brazil
 nut was unsafe for people with nut allergies and could not
Add a missing verb
be realeased
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realeased
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released
 to
public
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the public
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.
However
,
GM
food
go
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goes
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 through allergen testing. In
colclusion
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conclusion
 to the above statement, neither its pros can be neglected nor its cons. It is a mixed bag of positives and negatives. In my opinion, the statement should not be underestimated.
Submitted by shubhashish.bobby on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that presents your main argument or viewpoint, which will set the stage for the rest of the essay. Your current introduction is too generalized and lacks a precise thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Develop a more structured essay plan before writing. This will help you present your ideas more logically and coherently. Use clear paragraphing with topic sentences that directly relate to the thesis statement.
task achievement
Make sure all main points are supported by specific examples or evidence. While you have included some examples, you need to extend your explanations to demonstrate how they support your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and range of vocabulary. There are numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrases throughout the essay which could confuse the reader and undermine the clarity of your arguments.
task achievement
End your essay with a stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your thesis. The conclusion should reflect on the implications or provide a final thought that gives your essay a sense of closure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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