IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
It is argued that
companies
 by using various methods in their advertising are trying to announce new features.
While
 it seems like a
competition
 among manufacturers, I believe that it would have positive effects on communities.
To begin
 with, the
competition
 between some
companies
 has increased
thus
 they are using new methods
such
 as advertising to be the winner of that.
Additionally
, they have to persuade people to buy their features.
In other words
, people's
products
 have already worked appropriately to handle their demands, so producers should set up new strategies for encouraging the public to buy new
products
.
For example
, if a smartphone company change some appearance items
such
 as adding another camera or using better material for the frame cell phones, they can encourage customers to buy their
products
.
Although
this
competition
 might have some drawbacks like increasing the price of goods than their previous, I believe that they have more benefits of development for the public.
Companies
'
competition
Replace the word
competitors
show examples
 always have to use new techniques to improve their goods that can make significant differences with other
products
such
 as changing the CPU or camera's quality,
as a result
 of competitive strategy.
For instance
, smartphones were invented to use them just for talking and texting;
however
, we are using them in several ways
such
 as taking photographs, and surfing the internet because of
competition
 among
companies
 that forces them to invent new things. In conclusion, despite
competition
 between
companies
, it will have a majority of positive development for people.
Submitted by sarmastsobhan1994 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your view on it, while the conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments and restate your position.
logical structure
Aim for a more structured approach by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a central idea, and use cohesive devices to link these ideas together smoothly.
supported main points
Develop your main points by expanding on your ideas, explaining the reasoning behind them, and providing more focused examples to support your arguments.
complete response
Make sure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task, including explaining the reasons for the trend and discussing its positive or negative development in detail.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on presenting your ideas in a clearer and more comprehensive manner, ensuring that your reasoning is easy to follow and your points are elaborated with relevant details.
relevant specific examples
Enhance your task response by including more specific examples that are directly relevant to the points you are making, which will add depth and interest to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
What to do next:
Look at other essays: