IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
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It is argued that
companies
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 by using various methods in their advertising are trying to announce new features.
While
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 it seems like a
competition
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 among manufacturers, I believe that it would have positive effects on communities.
To begin
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 with, the
competition
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 between some
companies
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 has increased
thus
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 they are using new methods
such
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 as advertising to be the winner of that.
Additionally
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, they have to persuade people to buy their features.
In other words
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, people's
products
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 have already worked appropriately to handle their demands, so producers should set up new strategies for encouraging the public to buy new
products
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.
For example
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, if a smartphone company change some appearance items
such
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 as adding another camera or using better material for the frame cell phones, they can encourage customers to buy their
products
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.
Although
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this
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competition
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 might have some drawbacks like increasing the price of goods than their previous, I believe that they have more benefits of development for the public.
Companies
Use synonyms
'
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competition
Replace the word
competitors
show examples
 always have to use new techniques to improve their goods that can make significant differences with other
products
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such
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 as changing the CPU or camera's quality,
as a result
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 of competitive strategy.
For instance
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, smartphones were invented to use them just for talking and texting;
however
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, we are using them in several ways
such
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 as taking photographs, and surfing the internet because of
competition
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 among
companies
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 that forces them to invent new things. In conclusion, despite
competition
Use synonyms
 between
companies
Use synonyms
, it will have a majority of positive development for people.
Submitted by sarmastsobhan1994 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your view on it, while the conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments and restate your position.
logical structure
Aim for a more structured approach by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a central idea, and use cohesive devices to link these ideas together smoothly.
supported main points
Develop your main points by expanding on your ideas, explaining the reasoning behind them, and providing more focused examples to support your arguments.
complete response
Make sure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task, including explaining the reasons for the trend and discussing its positive or negative development in detail.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on presenting your ideas in a clearer and more comprehensive manner, ensuring that your reasoning is easy to follow and your points are elaborated with relevant details.
relevant specific examples
Enhance your task response by including more specific examples that are directly relevant to the points you are making, which will add depth and interest to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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