Many students are taught to push themselves to try and be better than other students, rather than work together for everyone’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
These days the youngest generation it can encourage the
are
pushed by their parents or teachers to always do better than others rather than cooperate with them for a common goal. In Correct subject-verb agreement
is
this
essay, we will discuss how this
mindset could be counterproductive in long
Correct article usage
the long
terms
.
On Fix the agreement mistake
term
one
hand, studying on your own can bring many advantages. Correct article usage
the one
Firstly
, it is a common opinion that a
good competition between students can bring more results Correct article usage
apply
such
as higher scores and get more credit from teachers. Secondly
Add a comma
,
youngs
to never settle, always try to do Correct your spelling
young
the
best and find a solution by themselves. As Change the word
their
last
the
young students can be lazier compared to Correct article usage
apply
another student
, avoiding Fix the agreement mistake
other students
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
task
and giving Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
it
to someone else.
Correct pronoun usage
them
On the other hand
, there are also
a lot of disadvantages. For instance
, as everyone knows every race has a winner and a loser, this
can cause psychological issues in a child such
as not trusting themself and disencourage
them Correct your spelling
discouraging
to try
again and Change preposition
from trying
accept
the failure.Wrong verb form
accepting
This
cause
many difficulties once they are trying to get a job. Change the verb form
causes
Secondly
, They will never learn how to work in groups, indeed nowadays there are many young workers who are not able to cooperate with their colleagues that skill is essential in many jobs like a police officer who must trust his partner every day putting his life in their hand .
In conclusion, despite the many benefits of working alone to get more results and push kids to always do better, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. In my opinion
the best way to succeed is to work together.Add a comma
opinion,
Submitted by ste.deblasi.97 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is somewhat disjointed, reflecting a need for clearer logical arrangement and better linking of ideas. Consider utilizing cohesive devices and transitions to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be better structured to explicitly state the thesis and summarize the main points. Aim for a clearer articulation of the argument in these critical sections of the essay.
coherence cohesion
While main points are present, their support in the form of specific examples and detailed explanations is lacking. Develop your ideas more thoroughly and provide concrete examples that directly relate to the prompt.
task achievement
The response only marginally addresses the task. To score higher, ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the prompt. Provide an even exploration of advantages and disadvantages with a clear personal stance or resolution, as required by the task.
task achievement
Ideas are expressed, but lack clarity and depth. Strive for comprehensive explanations and elaborate on assertions made, ensuring the reader is left with a clear understanding of your perspectives.
task achievement
Relevant examples are necessary to substantiate your points. Utilize specific instances or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate the advantages and disadvantages being discussed, ensuring the examples are pertinent and reinforce your argument.