Some people believe that children should be allowed to make their own choices on everyday matters such as food or clothes. Other people, however, believe that children should not learn to make decisions since they are young.
As part of their
development
, our society encourages young people to improve their skills as early as possible. Some of them argue whether children
should be given freedom
to make a decision on their everyday Add an article
the freedom
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
while
the rest of them think otherwise
.
To begin
with, leaving children
to do their own life brings some benefits to their development
. Firstly
, it is a good attempt to train their decision making
skills Add a hyphen
decision-making
as well as
their problem solving
skills. Add a hyphen
problem-solving
As a result
, they will grow as independent individuals who are able to make their own decisions for their life
.
Albeit the positive impacts, giving the freedom might Fix the agreement mistake
lives
also
lead to some negatives for children
's development
. One drawback is that they are possibly not emotionally ready to hold such
responsibilities. As an illustration, some of them probably will choose an unhealthy diet for their food which will make them sick if it happens continuously. Even worse, the existence of their parents will suddenly disappear during the decision making
process which may reduce the bonding between the parents and their Add a hyphen
decision-making
children
.
Based on both views, I believe that advice and supervision is
still needed when leaving young people to choose their daily activities. As it is beneficial for Change the verb form
are
children
’s development
, adults should be able to tackle the shortcomings at the same time by acting as an advisor and a supervisor. As an illustration, before letting them choose their food, parents should explain which kind of food to choose and give a logical reason for them. Therefore
, we can help them to develop and prevent the negatives.
In conclusion, even though letting children
choose what to do in their life
is good for their Fix the agreement mistake
lives
development
, it comes with some issues. Giving some advice and supervising their activity could be a solution to those drawbacks problems.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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task achievement
To enhance the task response, it's important to ensure the full coverage of the question prompt. While the essay mentions points for both perspectives, it could benefit from discussing more varied and detailed examples to support the arguments made, thus increasing the completeness and relevance of the response. Utilizing a wider range of specific scenarios or incorporating research data could further illustrate the points and make the overall argument more compelling and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on refining the organization of ideas and the clarity of their connections. The essay may benefit from more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly. Additionally, ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea, with subsequent sentences coherently building on that idea, can enhance readability and logical flow. It's also helpful to revisit the conclusion to make sure it summarizes the essay's main points effectively and restates the writer's position clearly, which provides a strong closure to the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.