IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations.

#people #work #organisation #life #organisations
There is no doubt that the
workplace
 plays a crucial role in the staff’s
life
.
However
, some folks possess
this
 idea that they must dedicate all of their working
life
 to the same organisation, I would agree with some who argue that experiencing various organisations is much better for many reasons.
Firstly
, the
workplace
 has dominant and noticeable impacts on employees’ work future and their prosperities.
This
 is because mostly they are restricted to one
workplace
 and they can not have another
job
 with the aim of boosting their incomes; so their
life
 conditions and financial states are completely related to that
job
. In some cases, organisations provide no room for promotion whether in their work positions or payments.
As a result
, people spend all of their lives without any imperative success;
furthermore
, their salaries are approximately steady and they hardly get a chance to promote themselves.
On the other hand
, I believe working in different systems is a golden key which encourages individuals to set high standards for themselves in terms of income and
job
 promotion. It is explicit that working in several places broads their minds and increases their knowledge which is highly beneficial.
For instance
, working in numerous fields causes people to face new problems and challenges that help them to apply for better jobs.
Furthermore
, not only definitely is changing
workplace
 great with the matter of climbing the career ladder, but
also
 it is good for
mental
Add an article
the mental
a mental
show examples
 situation as it leads to making new friends. In conclusion,
although
 it is critical to have a stable
job
 condition so as to guarantee
life
, I suppose a changing
workplace
 has merits namely having a chance of promotion and, a better wealth situation.
Submitted by n97.mortazian on

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task achievement
Ensure that all aspects of the prompt are addressed with a balanced view and try to include more varied and specific examples to support main points.
coherence cohesion
Maintain logical ordering of ideas and paragraphs. Make sure to use a variety of cohesive devices and transition words to enhance the flow of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
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