IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that government should spend on medical facilities whereas other people think that investing on transport is necessary. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #facilities #transport
People have different views about whether
putting
Change the verb form
to put
show examples
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 into medical services or
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 transportation. From my perspective, I contend that it is necessary to enhance both of them as well.
To begin
 with,
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
 is significant in our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In conclusion, both medical services and
transporation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 are necessary to be improved.
Submitted by xianghuikong2023 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay does not fulfill the requirements of the task. There is a clear lack of content as it is extremely brief and does not discuss both views or give a well-developed opinion. To improve, ensure that you expand on the topic by providing distinct paragraphs that thoroughly discuss each view and your own perspective. Use examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay failed to maintain cohesion and coherence. To enhance your essay structure, you should include an introduction that sets the context, at least two body paragraphs each examining one of the views, and a conclusion that summarizes your discussion and restates your opinion. Additionally, your ideas should logically flow from one to the other, with appropriate use of linking words and phrases.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: