Some people state that in the period of developed IT, it is normal for teenagers to spend a lot of time on such modern gadgets as smart phones and laptops, while others say that it is a bad habit with negative consequences. Discuss both views and state your opinion.
in
this
modern world, students are tremendously using advanced technology-based gadgets
such
as cell phones and computers which is normal to some people, whilst others say that it is harmful for youngsters as they spend a long time on them. in this
essay, I will explore both views by focusing on some vital points and stating my personal opinion.
to commence with, due to
several enhancements in technology, it is more convenient for education institution
so that pupils Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
get
opt Verb problem
apply
to
them when every class are conducted with advanced Change preposition
for
gadgets
such
as projectors and laptops. in addition
, their homework will be based on some apps which must be running on mobile phones or computers. for instance
, if teachers do use Microsoft Excel to solve various equations, students tend to be an users
of Microsoft Excel when doing academic work at home. Correct the article-noun agreement
users
a user
hence
, in this
way, parents are less surprised when children used to spend more and more time on such
advanced applications at home. therefore
, guardians are fearless even if they are not active in social activities.
on the other hand
, without modern touch such
as a video projector, it is impossible nowadays to teach everyone in a big hall room, after all
students have fun Add the comma(s)
all,
while
they are taught the way they like. furthermore
, to reduce abuse and crime rates at college , management would like to have to
every student's details on their database by using computers. Change preposition
apply
also
, parents are able to know about their children's history. eventually, modern gadgets
are undeniable to improve educational structure. the prevalence of using laptops and cell phones is
increased to easy access every different websites so that learners can gain more ideas about academic topics.
Verb problem
has
to sum up
, although
it is an addiction for youngsters to run various gaming apps on smartphones, instead
of using education-related software. I think parents should be more alert and focused on their children , and convince them to spend time on advanced gadgets
for study purposes only to avoid negative effects on them.Submitted by farjanaakterrikta8 on
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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement, as the ideas presented are not consistently clear and the transitions between them can be more fluid. It is essential to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the subsequent sentences support that idea.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which is positive. However, they should more effectively introduce the topic and summarize the main points while clearly stating your opinion. The essay would benefit from stronger opening and closing statements that leave a more lasting impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
While some main points are supported, there is a need for more developed explanations and clearer examples to enhance the arguments. The essay skims over several ideas without delving deeply into any, reducing the overall clarity of the argument. The writer should work on elaborating points with specific examples and detailed reasoning.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and provides a response to the prompt. However, to score higher, the answer must completely address all parts of the task with a more developed and clear argument. Ensure to cover both sides of the discussion more evenly and clearly express your own opinion with sufficient justification.
task achievement
Ideas are provided but not comprehensive or fully clear. The essay should articulate points more precisely and logically. Paying attention to clarity will help the reader understand the writer's point of view more effectively.
task achievement
Relevant examples are touched upon but not fully developed. The essay would benefit from specific, relevant examples that are directly tied to the arguments made. More detailed and concrete examples will add weight to the points being discussed and enhance the overall quality of the essay.