IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that
sports
Use synonyms
 are crucial for
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 life.
Body paragraph 1
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the
politically
Replace the word
politics
show examples
 of some countries for avoiding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 and others believing
that is
Linking Words
 considered a right to practise all types of
sports
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are
argument
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
show examples
 for the limitation of risky activities.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is a high responsibility for instructors.
In other words
Linking Words
, they
afraid
Add a missing verb
are afraid
show examples
 of
injery
Correct your spelling
injury
 or
further
Linking Words
 complications
occurred
Wrong verb form
that occur
show examples
.
Body paragraph 3
In
additional
Replace the word
addition
show examples
, some
trainee
Fix the agreement mistake
trainees
show examples
 could feel forced
them self
Correct your spelling
themself
themselves
show examples
 to
facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, they thought it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
type
Add an article
a type
the type
show examples
 of violence which not
desire
Wrong verb form
desired
show examples
.
Body paragraph 4
In terms of the acceptance
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 risk
sports
Use synonyms
, they feel
Correct article usage
the challenge
show examples
challenge
Wrong verb form
challenged
show examples
 and enormous of competitions, which
increased
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
capable
Replace the word
capability
show examples
to do
Change preposition
of doing
show examples
anythings
Fix the agreement mistake
anything
show examples
.
Body paragraph 5
Moreover
Linking Words
, breaking mind
bounderies
Correct your spelling
boundaries
 that affect on
acheiving
Correct your spelling
achieving
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
conducted in 2020
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if you can excessed your mind though by exact
youfelf
Correct your spelling
yourself
 from
comfortable
Add an article
the comfortable
a comfortable
show examples
 zone that
led
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 to
become
Change the verb form
becoming
show examples
 a great person in the world
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because you
allowed
Wrong verb form
allow
show examples
 yourself to get out of your mind by
do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 something unusual .
Body paragraph 6
Otherwise
Linking Words
 , first aid precaution is one of the essential
aid
Fix the agreement mistake
aids
show examples
 to be found
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everywhere,
additional
Change the word
Additionally
show examples
, the trainee must certificated with
coures
Correct your spelling
courses
course
of CPR cardiopulmonary resuscitation for every member
indeed
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
These helpfull
Change the determiner
This helpfull
show examples
 to
be save
Change the verb form
be saved
show examples
 and comfortable.
Body paragraph 7
In conclusion,
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
 I
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
show examples
 the desire of
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to
avoidinge
Correct your spelling
avoid
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some activities which lead to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
disability if
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
happpend
Correct your spelling
happen
happened
 for
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 life.
Conclusion
It is
also
Linking Words
 true that it is better to
providing
Change the form of the verb
provide
show examples
 the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 first
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
 and contract with
Correct article usage
the ministry
show examples
ministry
Capitalize word
Ministry
show examples
 of
health
Capitalize word
Health
show examples
 for reassurance.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, which is expanded upon with supporting details. Logical connectors should be used to create clarity and flow in your writing. Additionally, check for grammar and punctuation accuracy to improve the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Address all parts of the prompt, ensuring your response is complete. Clearly articulate your ideas and present specific examples or reasons to support your points. Strive for clarity and precision in your argument, avoiding any ambiguity or unexplained claims. Make sure to provide a balanced discussion if the task requires the examination of multiple viewpoints.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
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