IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Many
parents
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 in Vietnam choose to teach their
kids
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 at home
instead
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 of sending them to school. Some children feel sad because they miss playing with friends,
while
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 others are happy to skip homework. I'll explain my thoughts on
this
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 topic. Opponents of homeschooling say
kids
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 miss out on social skills by not meeting many people outside their family.
This
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 could make it tough for them in jobs or new situations. They
also
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 argue that homeschooled
kids
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 might struggle to get into college because they lack standard certificates.
This
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 could limit their opportunities for higher education.
However
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, supporters of homeschooling see positives. They mention a child who excelled in physics because her
parents
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 taught her extensively. They
also
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 highlight the close bond between
parents
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 and
kids
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 when learning together, which strengthens their relationship. In my opinion, homeschooling has more positives than negatives. But for it to work well,
parents
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 need to provide recognized diplomas for their
kids
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 to enter universities.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, which is crucial for the reader's understanding. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, supported by subsequent sentences that develop this idea in a logical and coherent manner.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be further enhanced to clearly present the topic and summarize the main points of the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported in the essay, but the support could be more detailed and persuasive. Make sure examples are fully developed and critically analyzed to convincingly substantiate the arguments made.
task achievement
While the response is related to the prompt, it needs to be fully developed. Expand on ideas and explore the advantages and disadvantages of homeschooling in more depth to meet task requirements.
task achievement
Your ideas could be more comprehensive and clearer. Focus on developing each point with more detailed explanations, providing stronger arguments, and a more thorough discussion of the implications of homeschooling.
task achievement
Specific examples are mentioned, but they are not used effectively to support your arguments. Include relevant and detailed examples to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject matter and to make your essay more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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