IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many teenagers by encourage their parents to get a part-time job What are the advantages and the advantages of teenagers working part time?

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A large number of parents are motivated by their young
people
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 to occupation during their leisure
time
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.
Although
Linking Words
 an after-school
job
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 like Excellent pounces on the use of free
time
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.
This
Linking Words
 motivates some
cons
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 impact.In
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will discuss both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
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 of getting a
part-
Correct your spelling
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
job
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 after
scoole
Correct your spelling
school
 hours.
Fristly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, one of the pros of
a
Remove the article
apply
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part-
time
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employment
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 is that it will give young
people
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
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employment
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 experience.
Forthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, it will help them to employ skills
such
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 as, how to complete an occupation entreaty, how to face well interviews and how to
work
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 for a supervisor.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 Surely Keep by the University of California the majority of teenagers who used to
work
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 after academies are getting their by companies than teenagers who have not had any
work
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, one of the pros of
a
Remove the article
apply
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part-
time
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employment
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 is it will give children
really
Change the word
real
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 experience and they can get opportunities for self-confidence.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are certain
cons
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 to doing a part-
time
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job
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for example
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 working students will not have
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
time
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 to study and finish school-related homework Because they will be exhausted and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will need
to
Change preposition
apply
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time
Use synonyms
 for rest.
This
Linking Words
 Bing is busy with a
job
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while
Linking Words
 leading might have
cons
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 impact on studying.
Moreover
Linking Words
, children who have part-
time
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employment
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 might lost in their future studies and they totally miss their education. In conclusion, a part-
time
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job
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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during school years might offer some benefits to young
people
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.
However
Linking Words
, the
cons
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 impacts of working at a young
people
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 age cannot be overlooked. The study should be rejected to get a hold of a
job
Use synonyms
 if it might affect their studies and their future professional education jobs.

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coherence cohesion
Please ensure your essay has a logical structure, where ideas flow coherently from one paragraph to the next. Avoid disjointed arguments and make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, using linking words and maintaining topic consistency.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and a conclusion that clearly state your position and summarise the main points of your essay. While you did provide these, make sure they are more effectively presented and better encapsulate the essence of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing your main points more thoroughly. Provide clear, elaborate explanations and well-elaborated examples that directly support your argument, increasing the persuasive power of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Your ideas should be comprehensive and cover both sides of the issue if the prompt requires it. Keep your response balanced and make sure to elaborate on your points to meet the task requirements.
task achievement
Be clear and express your ideas comprehensively. Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to convey precise meanings and avoid ambiguity. Aim for accuracy in grammar and word choice to enhance the quality of your argument.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments. They should be relevant and strengthen your claim. Generic examples or a lack of examples can undermine your position and result in a lower score. Make sure to integrate examples seamlessly into your argument.
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