IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It It has become very common for people to borrow money. Most people have a credit card, a mortgage and öften they will buy a car on credit as well. Is this a good idea or is it too riske? Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
In the contemporary epoch, nowadays it is indispensable for people to have moneylending as a use to attain their needs.
However
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, there are
also
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 contradictory sides regarding the utilization of credit cards. In
this
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 forthcoming paragraphs, I am going to canvass the stated theme elucidate copious motives, and
then
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 interpret why I agreed with
this
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 issue.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, the first notion is certain benefits obtained by paying with credits
such
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 as
cashbacks
Correct your spelling
cashback
cash backs
 and reward points.
Therefore
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, people prefer to loan to banks to gain something more valuable. 
Moreover
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, if there is an emergency which requires us to pay in loads amount of money as soon as possible, loaning can be the solution.
For instance
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, crises occur
such
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 as a traffic crash that requires hospitalization and you do not have enough money in your bank account.
Therefore
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, getting credit is not a risky decision, even an investment tool if you have a proper plan and are well-managed.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, lending can become risky if you are not capable of paying it back to the financial institution.
Furthermore
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, individuals who are not able to repay their debt on time, even loan interest, will face irreversible consequences. To cite an example, a vast of youngsters only afford to pay the minimum charge of credit cards, leading to bankruptcy eventually, which significantly affects their financial records in the future.
Conclusion
In a nutshell, loaning can have both merits and demerits, it depends on the person's accountability. Think wisely before you decide to make one, it can bring either fortune or disaster.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay does exhibit a structure, but it could be more logically organized. Ensure that each paragraph clearly presents one main idea and that this idea is developed throughout the paragraph before moving on to the next point.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but could be improved. The introduction should more effectively paraphrase the prompt and present a clear thesis statement. The conclusion should restate your main points and thesis without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Although you included supporting points, they would benefit from more development and expansion. Work on providing more elaborate explanations and examples that convincingly back up each point you make.
task achievement
Your response covers the task, providing arguments for both views and a personal opinion. However, the response could be more fully extended with explanations and examples. Cover all parts of the task more thoroughly.
task achievement
While your ideas are relevant, they need to be presented more clearly and comprehensively. Avoid generalizations and strive to clarify your points with detail that adds to the reader's understanding.
task achievement
Providing specific examples is crucial to substantiate your arguments. Expand on your examples, ensuring they are directly relevant to the points you're discussing. Avoid vague references.
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