Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe that they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say that they are just harmless and help people to relax. Discuss both points of view and five your own opinion.
It is true that some of the digital leisures like
games
have been raising
nowadays. Correct your spelling
rising
While
some people believe that these are not hazardous I assume that movies and playings which include violence may bring harms
than Fix the agreement mistake
more harm
goods
.
On the one hand, there are several Fix the agreement mistake
good
reason
why people choose to watch these Change to a plural noun
reasons
r-rated
films to release their stress. They feel overwhelmed after leaving from a long-lasting work. Change the capitalization
R-rated
Thus
, they need something to ease their feelings. Others also
claim that games
are able to assist a person's strategical
skill rather than lead them to perform negative actions. Replace the word
strategic
For example
, war games
that are available in
some platforms can help people to arrange strategies for daily basis needs.
Change preposition
on
On the other hand
, majorities are also
against this
notion, and they have some reason
why movies and violent Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
games
are considered extremely harmful and needed
to be banned. Wrong verb form
need
Firstly
, They think that the directors of these items create their films and games
based on real life
accidents. Add a hyphen
real-life
This
can build the
scenes that are extremely realistic displaying Correct article usage
apply
real life
blood and actions. Add a hyphen
real-life
Secondly
, some players can do in
Change preposition
apply
such
free activities in their virtual life
leading them to behavior changes. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
For example
, virtual realities can provide players to do violences
among other online players. Change the wording
violence
acts of violence
outbreaks of violence
This
can lead them to psychological degradations towards societies
. Fix the agreement mistake
society
Lastly
, movies and games
can influence individuals who play to an addiction. If the developers do not limit their members it will affect them into an addiction for a longer period of time.
In conclusion, even though some groups of societies assume that watching and playing with violent scene
are harmless others Fix the agreement mistake
scenes
also
tend to stop this
trend. I personally believe that these items can potentially rise
detrimental sides.Verb problem
have
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear progression of ideas and some paragraphs seem disconnected. Aim for a more logical structure that guides the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but need to be clearer in terms of your thesis statement and final opinion. Make sure your opening and closing paragraphs effectively frame your essay.
coherence cohesion
While you do support your main points, the development of these points is superficial at times. Include deeper analysis and more detailed explanations to strengthen the essay.
task achievement
Your response to the task is somewhat complete, but your development of the topic is not comprehensive. Ensure you directly address all parts of the prompt with sufficient detail and clarity.
task achievement
Your essay should have a clearer development of ideas. Focus on expanding your points with clear and comprehensive explanations while maintaining relevance to the prompt.
task achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples is important in strengthening your argument. Include more concrete examples that directly support your points to make your argument more persuasive.
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