IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In Britain ,when someone gets pld,they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them.Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay? Give your reasons ?

#britain #someone #pld #home #people #nurses #government #care
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It is clear that
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 the old generation in
Britain
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,
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apply
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 often chooses to live with other old people where nurses are able to care for them.
As a result
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, the
government
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 pays the cost of
this
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 support in some cases. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why families who have enough income to support the expenditures of their parents must be detected by the
government
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 and should be forced to pay
this
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 cost.
Firstly
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, the budgets of
Britain
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 are collected from taxes, and
this
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money
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 should be spent on people who really need it.
Furthermore
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, if
government
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 can save
money
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 by reducing unnecessary costs, it can improve other sides of
this
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 service.
For example
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,
according to
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 an article from Harvard University, approximately 92% of families who have at least 1 old parent have enough salary to pay.
Consequently
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, the
government
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 can accept some rules to save
money
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.
On the other hand
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, there are many elderly people who are able to do some interesting jobs like doing handicrafts.
For instance
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, selling handicrafts is the main part of tourism, because tourists who are visiting Great
Britain
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 want to buy something that remembers
this
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 country.
As a result
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 of selling these things, collecting
money
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 from selling can help to pay their costs. In conclusion, the discussion about spending
money
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 in the country will always be actual, but from my point of view, the costs of care can be reduced in some alternative ways.
As a result
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, the
government
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 can invest
this
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 saved
money
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 in other jobs which can increase the economy of
Britain
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.
To sum up
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, the majority cost of the old generation can be supported by other sources
Submitted by orxanmikayilov44 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and the ideas should flow seamlessly from one to the next. Use connectors and transition words to guide the reader through your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
In your introduction and conclusion, clearly state your thesis and summarise your main points. Make sure your concluding paragraph effectively wraps up the discussion while restating your position.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your arguments with specific examples and explanations. These examples should be directly relevant to the main point of each paragraph and should illustrate your arguments effectively.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task. For this type of question, it's important to consider the implications for both the government and the family, as well as present a well-rounded discussion on who should pay for elderly care. Make sure your position is clear and that it is supported throughout your essay.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas fully to add depth to your essay. While you do present a clear position, adding more detailed explanations and exploring the implications of your points can strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Use examples effectively to illustrate your points. Try to incorporate specific, real-world examples that clearly support the statements you are making. This will not only make your position more convincing but also demonstrate an understanding of how the issue you are discussing operates in a practical context.
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