IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Financial education should be included as mandatory in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively to what estendto do you agree or disagree..?

#education #schools #students #money #estendto
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Teaching about
money
Use synonyms
 management should be a standard part of the
education
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 system in order to get qualified and ready to make good financial decisions in life. I totally agree with
this
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 and I will discuss that.
Firstly
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, financial
education
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 would prepare
students
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 for their future financial responsibilities. Many
students
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 level school and college with very little knowledge about how to manage their finances.
As a result
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, they
often
Add a missing verb
are often
show examples
 free for all to pay bills and manage
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
money
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 effectively.
Moreover
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,
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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 can lead to financial differences. In life by making financial
education
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 in schools.
For instance
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,
students
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would learn how to manage their finances effectively and avoid financial problems.
Secondly
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, financial
education
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 would
also
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 help
students
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 understand the importance of saving and investing
money
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 in people who do not understand and how important it is
saved
Change the verb form
to save
show examples
 and invest their
money
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 which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
could help them
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
build up a financial future.
Moreover
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, financial
education
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 helps to lessen poverty and differences in society. Many people suffer from poverty and financial hardship
due to
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 their lack of financial knowledge and skills. Which could help to reduce the poverty. In conclusion, financial
education
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 should be a main part of
education
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 it would prepare
students
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 for their future financial responsibilities. That would help them understand the importance of saving and investing in society.
Submitted by manushamanu1024 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas within the paragraphs are logically sequenced. Avoid shifting topics abruptly and work on smooth transitions between paragraphs.
task achievement
Develop your arguments with clearer and more specific examples. Your essay should include explanations of how financial education achieves the benefits you've cited, such as reducing poverty.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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