Some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. Other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experience. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. Which do you think is preferable? Use specific examples to support your preference.
Learning has been a part of our
life
and there are some methods to learn. The majority of people
argue that getting advice from family and friends
is the best way to learn. On the other side, the others consider people
should learn from life
experience. Although
both opinions bring positive impacts, personally, I believe that personal experience is a key to learning about life
.
Accepting suggestions from family and friends
makes some mistakes that could possibly be avoided. The reason for this
is that sometimes people
tend to think arrogantly during making decisions. In addition
, the
new ideas from Correct article usage
apply
the
others could have existed that Correct article usage
apply
lead
to decision-making . Replace the word
led
For example
, my friend was totally afraid when the majority of her classmates already knew where the universities they wanted to attend. She wanted to go to her dream college but she was not sure about that. She almost followed her friend's judgement to join her college, but her parents and friends
kept supporting her to think twice. As a result
, she decided to keep her dream and at
the end, her dream was successfully reached.
Change preposition
in
On the other hand
, real-life
experiences
create strong soldiers. Most of the individuals who suffer from many bad pains mostly have more pieces of knowledge. They generally know what to do for the next steps of their lives. Furthermore
, when facing various problems, they tend to be more calm
Replace the words
calmer
that
Change preposition
as
result
of past Correct article usage
a result
experiences
. To illustrate, research shows that 70% of the population who have many troubles usually have the
stronger mentality to solve problems in the future. Correct article usage
a
Therefore
, it is likely possible to study from past experiences
.
In conclusion, listening to advice from family and friends
or experiencing something in real life
is not horrible. It depends on the humans to make a choice. However
, in my opinion, I think the more people
have many life
experiences
, the more mature they will be.Submitted by ieltswriting91 on
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Task Achievement
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your introduction and conclusion were somewhat clear, but further refinement could enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas fully and provide more detailed examples. The examples you provided were relevant but could be more specific and more deeply explored to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay in a logical way. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and a sequence that is easy to follow. Work on linking your ideas more naturally and cohesively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to show relationships between ideas and to help the reader follow your argument. While cohesive devices were used, greater variety and precision could improve the flow.