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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. Other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experience. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. Which do you think is preferable? Use specific examples to support your preference.

Learning has been a part of our
life
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 and there are some methods to learn. The majority of
people
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 argue that getting advice from family and
friends
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 is the best way to learn. On the other side, the others consider
people
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 should learn from
life
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 experience.
Although
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 both opinions bring positive impacts, personally, I believe that personal experience is a key to learning about
life
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. Accepting suggestions from family and
friends
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 makes some mistakes that could possibly be avoided. The reason for
this
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 is that sometimes
people
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 tend to think arrogantly during making decisions.
In addition
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new ideas from
the
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apply
show examples
others could have existed that
lead
Replace the word
led
show examples
 to decision-making .
For example
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, my friend was totally afraid when the majority of her classmates already knew where the universities they wanted to attend. She wanted to go to her dream college but she was not sure about that. She almost followed her friend's judgement to join her college, but her parents and
friends
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 kept supporting her to think twice.
As a result
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, she decided to keep her dream and
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at
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in
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 the end, her dream was successfully reached.
On the other hand
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, real-
life
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experiences
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 create strong soldiers. Most of the individuals who suffer from many bad pains mostly have more pieces of knowledge. They generally know what to do for the next steps of their lives.
Furthermore
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, when facing various problems, they tend to be
more calm
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calmer
show examples
that
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as
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 of past
experiences
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. To illustrate, research shows that 70% of the population who have many troubles usually have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 stronger mentality to solve problems in the future.
Therefore
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, it is likely possible to study from past
experiences
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. In conclusion, listening to advice from family and
friends
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 or experiencing something in real
life
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 is not horrible. It depends on the humans to make a choice.
However
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, in my opinion, I think the more
people
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 have many
life
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experiences
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, the more mature they will be.

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Task Achievement
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your introduction and conclusion were somewhat clear, but further refinement could enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas fully and provide more detailed examples. The examples you provided were relevant but could be more specific and more deeply explored to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay in a logical way. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and a sequence that is easy to follow. Work on linking your ideas more naturally and cohesively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to show relationships between ideas and to help the reader follow your argument. While cohesive devices were used, greater variety and precision could improve the flow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • leverage
  • wisdom
  • pitfalls
  • informed decisions
  • trials and errors
  • impactful
  • memorable
  • foster
  • resilience
  • navigate
  • guidance
  • well-rounded
  • anecdotal evidence
  • theoretical
  • persuasive
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