Many manfactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which casues many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #casues #health #people

Sugar is widely used in prepared food which brings about a lot of side effects. That's why Health-conscious persons believe these products should have a higher

price

to limit their usage. I agree with

this

statement because the higher

price

affects the community's purchase power

as well as

the

manufactures'

Correct your spelling

manufacturers'

show examples

profit.

Firstly

, when it comes to

buy

Change the verb form

buying

show examples

an item, its

price

plays a leading factor in

Correct article usage

the descision

show examples

descision

Correct your spelling

decision

making. The higher the item's

price

, the lower

chance

Correct article usage

the chance

show examples

to be

Change preposition

of being

show examples

selected. To illustrate, many people have nine-to-five

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

with limited income

thus

they cannot afford expensive items.

Moreover

, food is the second largest portion of a

family

Change noun form

family's

show examples

monthly

expense

Fix the agreement mistake

expenses

show examples

Therefore

, if a family wants to consume sugary goods, it would bring about a huge cost on the shoulders of the father. So he is highly unlikely to turn to these expensive products.

Secondly

rising

Correct your spelling

raising

show examples

the

price

of sugar-made food vanishes its financial benefits for the companies. The main reason for using sugar as an additive in many products is that not only does it lead to a better taste, but

also

it reduces the

production's

Change noun form

production

show examples

cost. In the case of an increase in

price

then

these companies need hard sell which shrinks their revenue.

Therefore

, they would stop its usage. In conclusion, I believe in order to decrease the

using

Replace the word

use

show examples

of sugar, the

price

of sugar-made items should increase. Because not only does it prevent the public from using them but

also

companies will have no intensive for production any more.

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Task Achievement

Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. The response should be more developed to fulfil the requirements of the task. The essay presents a viewpoint but lacks comprehensive development and depth.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use a range of cohesive devices to support coherence throughout your essay. Some ideas lack clear connections and transitions which can disrupt the flow of your arguments. Work on creating seamless transitions between your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

249 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many manfactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which casues many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

Physical fitness is essential for a healthy lifestyle. How important is it for schools to include physical education in their curriculum, and what can be done to ensure students remain active outside of school

In this day and age,it is considered by plethora of individuals that characters are impacted by environment rather than genetics.This is the very correlation between biosphere and generations that affect to the humans situation. There are two principal reasons for this.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some cities ban private cars from entering the centre and force people to use bicycles and buses. Do the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+