IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that employers should not be concerned about how employees dress at work, but the quality of work only. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #employers #employees #dress #work #quality
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Professional clothes and dressing
sense
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 at
work
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 has persistently been a subject of dispute among
people
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. Some
people
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 consider that the organizations’ administrators and the higher management should not be bothered about how the
employees
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 dress. I disagree with
this
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 notion and realize the essence of
business
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 attire at
work
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. In the following paragraph, I shall
further
Linking Words
 my opinions on
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint. The very essence of having
business
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 attire and the fundamental emergence of professional dressing is to invoke a
sense
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 of uniformity and constancy among all. The incidents of
people
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 forming opinions and at times getting engrossed in chatting about one’s choice of outfit is rife and has been time and again seen denigrating one and making them rate low on self-esteem.
This
Linking Words
 causes mental fatigue in an individual trying to match up with a standardized dressing norm.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 process, it has been seen
as to
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apply
show examples
how the efficacy of an individual extenuates upon thinking about
such
Linking Words
 insignificant and paltry issues.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, it revitalizes the
sense
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 of belonging among colleagues and
employees
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. An employee is the face of an organization, and how
people
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 look upon them reflects organizational standards in the minds of
people
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. Especially, in
business
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 meetings, wearing clothes based on comfort might render a
sense
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 of discomfort and trigger an ambience of informality among the
employees
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 and the clients as well. Even in
business
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 models based on
business
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-to-client modelling, formal wear and having a
dressing
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dress
show examples
 code is quintessential to the reputation of an organization.
Therefore
Linking Words
, even from the putative aspect, it is all the more cardinal to have a formal uniform for the
employees
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. Though some might argue that having a typical dress could at times be quite daunting to put up with, in the long run,
this
Linking Words
 creates a professional
work
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 environment without dragging trivial issues like choosing what to wear or if
this
Linking Words
 dress is being repeated or not, in the mainstream. Conclusively we may say that having a dressing
sense
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 is mandatory for an efficient
work
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 environment and having a conducive
work
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 environment is all that should be a numero uno priority.
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Introduction
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the topic and provide a brief overview of the main points you plan to address. Your introduction partially met this requirement. Improve by refining your thesis statement and outlining your arguments more clearly.
Paragraph Development
Develop paragraphs fully with a clear main idea, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence that reiterates the paragraph's point. Your main points need more explicit support and conclusive statements for greater impact.
Cohesive Devices
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs. Your essay uses some connectors, but you can enhance coherence with more varied and precise linking words.
Conclusion
Your conclusion should clearly restate your position and summarize the key arguments discussed. While you have a functional conclusion, it could benefit from a more succinct and powerful restatement of your main points.
Content Development
To fully satisfy task achievement criteria, ensure that you address all parts of the task, elaborate on your points sufficiently, and include -specific examples to support your argument. The essay occasionally lacked detail and concrete examples which would allow for a more thorough demonstration of the topic understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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