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Band 6

Some people think that employers should not be concerned about how employees dress at work, but the quality of work only. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #employers #employees #dress #work #quality
Professional clothes and dressing
sense
 at
work
 has persistently been a subject of dispute among
people
. Some
people
 consider that the organizations’ administrators and the higher management should not be bothered about how the
employees
 dress. I disagree with
this
 notion and realize the essence of
business
 attire at
work
. In the following paragraph, I shall
further
 my opinions on
this
 viewpoint. The very essence of having
business
 attire and the fundamental emergence of professional dressing is to invoke a
sense
 of uniformity and constancy among all. The incidents of
people
 forming opinions and at times getting engrossed in chatting about one’s choice of outfit is rife and has been time and again seen denigrating one and making them rate low on self-esteem.
This
 causes mental fatigue in an individual trying to match up with a standardized dressing norm.
Moreover
, in
this
 process, it has been seen
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how the efficacy of an individual extenuates upon thinking about
such
 insignificant and paltry issues.
In addition
 to that, it revitalizes the
sense
 of belonging among colleagues and
employees
. An employee is the face of an organization, and how
people
 look upon them reflects organizational standards in the minds of
people
. Especially, in
business
 meetings, wearing clothes based on comfort might render a
sense
 of discomfort and trigger an ambience of informality among the
employees
 and the clients as well. Even in
business
 models based on
business
-to-client modelling, formal wear and having a
dressing
Replace the word
dress
show examples
 code is quintessential to the reputation of an organization.
Therefore
, even from the putative aspect, it is all the more cardinal to have a formal uniform for the
employees
. Though some might argue that having a typical dress could at times be quite daunting to put up with, in the long run,
this
 creates a professional
work
 environment without dragging trivial issues like choosing what to wear or if
this
 dress is being repeated or not, in the mainstream. Conclusively we may say that having a dressing
sense
 is mandatory for an efficient
work
 environment and having a conducive
work
 environment is all that should be a numero uno priority.
Submitted by zavkidm on

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Introduction
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the topic and provide a brief overview of the main points you plan to address. Your introduction partially met this requirement. Improve by refining your thesis statement and outlining your arguments more clearly.
Paragraph Development
Develop paragraphs fully with a clear main idea, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence that reiterates the paragraph's point. Your main points need more explicit support and conclusive statements for greater impact.
Cohesive Devices
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs. Your essay uses some connectors, but you can enhance coherence with more varied and precise linking words.
Conclusion
Your conclusion should clearly restate your position and summarize the key arguments discussed. While you have a functional conclusion, it could benefit from a more succinct and powerful restatement of your main points.
Content Development
To fully satisfy task achievement criteria, ensure that you address all parts of the task, elaborate on your points sufficiently, and include -specific examples to support your argument. The essay occasionally lacked detail and concrete examples which would allow for a more thorough demonstration of the topic understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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