IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. What do you think about it?

#apple #doctor
People
’s opinions differ as to the position that healthy eating can prevent you from illnesses without any doctors.
While
 there are some strong arguments against the denying importance of doctors’ work, I still believe that it is a necessary aspect of our life. There are several reasons why
people
 might argue that healthy food can improve indicators of our body.
Firstly
, there is evidence to support the idea that eating good products makes
people
 healthier.
For instance
, fruits and vegetables contain many useful vitamins and other components which improve our immune system.
Hence
people
 are less likely to get sick. In spite of the above arguments, I support the view that it is impossible to maintain a healthy organism without doctors’ help.
Firstly
, many
people
 have certain indicators of blood,
lever
Correct your spelling
level
show examples
 of vitamins, percent of water etc. It is really important to know your own deviations in order to choose a diet.
Secondly
, many natural products do not contain important components in sufficient quantities.
For instance
, now apples contain 50 times less iron than they did 100 years ago.
Therefore
, it is necessary to consult a doctor and get a prescription for getting vitamins in pills. In conclusion, I would like to say that there are many different opinions about the possibility of avoiding doctor appointments and becoming healthier with the help of eating healthy food.
However
, it is really important to take advice from professionals about the sufficient aspect of life - our health.
Submitted by ddoiron on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has clear and logical organization. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, and this idea should be introduced in the topic sentence at the beginning of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. This helps improve the cohesion and flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points by providing specific details and examples. This helps to support your argument and make your writing more persuasive.
task achievement
Make sure to respond to all parts of the task. Address the topic from various perspectives and ensure that your position is clear throughout the essay.
task achievement
Clarify and expound upon your ideas to make them comprehensive. Avoid general statements and ensure the ideas expressed are thoroughly explained.
task achievement
Use specific examples that are directly relevant to your main points. This strengthens your arguments and shows a deeper understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: