Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

While
some
museums
are charging for
admission
, others are admitting without any charge. In my view,
museums
Change the noun form
museum
show examples
authorities should collect an affordable
admission
fee to maintain the facility. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will discuss my opinion with
relevent
Correct your spelling
relevant
examples.
To begin
with, the people who advocate for free
admission
argue that
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
to know the ancient culture and lifestyle. The
seveal
Correct your spelling
several
museums
are charging heavy
admission
fees.
As a result
, only
Correct article usage
a
show examples
limited number of people have access to these
museums
. To illustrate, Lover
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
charges around 200
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
for
admission
,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
might cause financial difficulties to the students or the people who are travelling with limited resources of money.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
The essay lacks a full exploration of the topic. It presents a viewpoint but fails to sufficiently expand and support main points. A more balanced discussion of advantages and disadvantages with clear arguments is necessary.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak and could be improved by better paragraphing and use of cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly. The introduction is present but incomplete, and the conclusion is missing. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: