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Band 5

Why do you think self discipline is better than motivation?

#self #discipline #motivation
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It is often claimed that
self discipline
Add a hyphen
self-discipline
show examples
 is better than
motivation
 in achieving
goals
. I completely agree with
this
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and tend to think that
motivation
 is not a persistent resource to continue doing something regularly,
while
 discipline allows
not
Correct pronoun usage
one not
show examples
 to stop even without
motivation
. As evidence of the previous judgment let’s see sportsmen. All athletes do sport regularly for different
goals
. Some of them prepare for competitions, others just keep their bodies in good shape. Despite the goal, all they need is a consistent and stable process of doing exercises, responsible and healthy eating habits, consuming required amounts of water and other activities.
Hence
, in order to get results in
this
 sphere people need to be into it,
be
Correct word choice
and be
show examples
 motivated,
however
, those who lose the
motivation
 usually stop because they lose the priority of these activities in life without
motivation
.
While those
Correct word choice
Those
show examples
 who can stand and continue doing sports without
motivation
 are very disciplined people.
Thus
, being disciplined is more important and effective than being motivated. As a second
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 I want to share my experience of learning English and preparing for exams. As with any process, learning English is sophisticated and requires a certain structure and system approach.
Therefore
, to get results you need persistent training. Speaking about
motivation
, it is a really unstable thing, I can lose it or get it again very quickly, so if my preparation would be based on
this
, it would be an ineffective and slow process without great results.
Hence
, in my case discipline is more important than
motivation
. In conclusion, I would like to say that
motivation
 is an important part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 forming
goals
 and choosing the direction of future development. Most people need to be motivated by others.
However
,
motivation
 is an unstable factor, which directly influences people’s progress.
Hence
, it is necessary to be disciplined as well in order to maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
progress on the way to reach
goals
.
Submitted by ddoiron on

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear opinion throughout. While the essay does address the topic, it can benefit from a more explicit statement of your position in the introduction, followed by a consistent argument in the body paragraphs that relate closely to the main topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on further linking ideas and paragraphs clearly and logically. There was a logical flow in the essay, but there were opportunities to use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to make the argument more compelling. Transitional phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs will improve the coherence and overall flow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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