Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose.Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #sport

In general,

sports

are introduced to keep everyone healthy and it

also

involves some cultural traditions. There are certain dangerous

sports

and some think

this

should be banned and others believe it is

people

's choice. In my opinion, I would say we should not

ban

any

sports

as every

sport

has its own good and bad. On the one hand,

sport

is introduced to entertain

people

which gives happiness not only

those

Change preposition

to those

show examples

who participate

which

Correct word choice

but

show examples

also

makes the audience

entertained

Verb problem

apply

show examples

. There could be some difficulties in every

sports

Change to a singular noun

sport

show examples

lets

Correct your spelling

let's

show examples

say football involves leg

injuries

, cricket has chances of back pain and some

sports

even lead to death. There are some unfortunate situations since any kind of

activities

Fix the agreement mistake

activity

show examples

can lead to problems from minor to major issues.

For instance

, a person

while

walking

also

can slip if he

fall

Change the verb form

falls

show examples

down on a rock can cause severe

injuries

. Considering

this

we cannot

ban

walking and

similarly

, we cannot take only

this

negative

situations

Fix the agreement mistake

situation

show examples

and

ban

some

sports

. On the other side, there are certain

sports

which

Change the verb form

are

show examples

very harmful to

people

can

Correct word choice

and can

show examples

affect their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

For example

, Jallikattu is one of the famous south

indian

Change the capitalization

Indian

show examples

sports

and many

people

protested against it

due to

nature

Correct article usage

the nature

show examples

of the

sports

Fix the agreement mistake

sport

show examples

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

very harmful since controlling bull at certain times injures

people

which could even lead them to death.

Although

there are

certain

Change the adjective

certainly

show examples

other reasons for

this

protest many were against

this

protest

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

worldwide and

finally

Supreme Court of India provided

Correct article usage

a judement

show examples

judement

Correct your spelling

judgement

judgment

to continue

this

sport

This

has happened

people

still

believed

Wrong verb form

believe

show examples

there are

lot

Change the article

a lot

show examples

of good things involved

Change preposition

show examples

this

sport

like they have some cultural things and maintaining the

bulls

Change noun form

bull's

bulls'

show examples

wealth

due to

this

. In conclusion, we should not

ban

any

sports

just because of the

injuries

instead

we can restrict the game to have more strict

guideliness

Correct your spelling

guidelines

This

way we can make everyone

to be

Verb problem

apply

show examples

satisfied and provide more

saftey

Correct your spelling

safety

in the

sports

will help to prevent

injuries

Submitted by mailramkrish on Sat Dec 30 2023

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Structure

Ensure a more structured approach with clear and distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state the issue and your thesis, the body should explore both views and your opinion with clear paragraphing, and the conclusion should summarise your position effectively.

Cohesion

Focus on providing clear main ideas for each paragraph and use cohesive devices to link these ideas both within and between paragraphs. This will make the argument more logically compelling and easier to follow.

Supporting Points

When discussing both sides of the argument, provide equal development to each view. Support each main point with relevant examples or evidence to make the argument stronger and more convincing.

Task Response

While addressing the IELTS task, ensure to respond to all parts of the question. The essay should discuss both views thoroughly and conclude with a reasoned and clear opinion based on the discussion.

Lexical Resource & Grammar

Use a broader range of vocabulary and grammar structures to enhance the quality of writing. Pay attention to accuracy to avoid errors that might hinder the communication of ideas.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

327 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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