IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Because of traffic and housing problems in the cities, the government encourages business to move to the rural area. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#traffic #cities #government #business #move #area
It is obvious that people in urban areas
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 increasing day by day. Some say
suggestion
Add an article
the suggestion
show examples
 that shifting
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 to rural areas will be a solution for the
incerment
Correct your spelling
increment
interment
 in the number of people in cities and the consequences that make in
such
 areas . I am here to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
both
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
 and demerits of
such
 changes.
Firstely
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, the prime advantage of transferring business to
Add an article
the country
show examples
country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
 is the development of the infrastructure
vof
Correct your spelling
of
 the local community.With the introduction of business in
Add an article
a non
the non
show examples
non urban
Add a hyphen
non-urban
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
, the locals have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to be a part of that business because they need more employees who are from that place, so they do not need to worry about
Submitted by febinpoulose182 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Your introduction needs to more clearly paraphrase the question and present a clear thesis statement that responds directly to the prompt. Ensure the conclusion effectively summarizes your points and restates your position.
supported main points
Develop your ideas more fully by providing clear and relevant examples to support your arguments in each paragraph. Use a wider range of linking devices to connect ideas within and across sentences.
complete response
You must ensure the essay directly responds to the question posed and remains focused on the topic throughout. Your essay should also express a clear position and present an argument that leads logically to that conclusion.
logical structure
Improve the logical flow of the essay by using a clear and consistent structure. Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and follow it with supporting details. Ensure paragraphs are well-organized and ideas flow logically from one to the next.
relevant specific examples
Use specific and detailed examples to clearly explain your points and how they relate to the topic. These examples should support the argument you are making and help the reader understand your position.
clear comprehensive ideas
Make sure to expand on your ideas to fully answer the question. Each point you make should be explored in-depth with explanations and examples where appropriate to ensure a comprehensive understanding of your viewpoints.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic diversification
  • infrastructure strain
  • rural character
  • urban decongestion
  • environmental impact
  • economic stimulation
  • logistical challenges
  • commuting
  • work-life balance
  • cultural clashes
  • habitat destruction
  • rural depopulation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: