IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public spaces such as squares and parks. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#towns #cities #spaces #squares #parks
Spacious public spaces
such
 as
parks
 and
squares
 are required for all towns and cities to have. I stand with
this
 perspective and
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain the reason with supporting
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
.
Squares
 and
parks
 are necessary to have in every
cities
Change to a singular noun
city
show examples
 and
sould
Correct your spelling
should
 in a big size.
This
 place could give several benefits
for
Change preposition
to
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 nature and society. Most of the cities are full of
concentrate
Replace the word
concentrated
show examples
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
,
therefore
parks
 or
squares
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 important
space
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
show examples
 for trees or small
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
 in the middle of the city. The existence of
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
 is to absorb carbon dioxide that
produced
Add a missing verb
is produced
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 by human activity.
For instance
, smoke from burnt fossil fuel cars can be captured by the trees.
Thus
 the trees could process the
photosyntesis
Correct your spelling
photosynthesis
 to make
an
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apply
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oxygen and give
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
fresh air. Regarding the benefit for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society,
parks
 and
squares
 could provide spaces for
entertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 or to relax. Living in a city sometimes can be
bored
Wrong verb form
boring
show examples
 and leads to stress, because of the traffic congestion or pressure from work.
Hence
,
parks
 or
squares
 are needed for citizen to enjoy their time and
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
 some fresh air. Many activities can be done here,
such
 as yoga,
picnic
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picnics
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, jogging, or just strolling around to enjoy
weekend
Add an article
the weekend
show examples
.
As a result
,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 places could help people to achieve their
work-life-balance
Correct your spelling
work-life balance
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 without
should
Verb problem
apply
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going a long ride to
Correct article usage
the coutryside
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coutryside
Correct your spelling
countryside
. To illustrate, many activities are held in
parks
 on the weekend
such
 as
aerobic
Replace the word
aerobics
show examples
 or zumba to encourage
Correct article usage
a healty
show examples
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
 lifestyle and better health. In conclusion, a large park or square brings several benefits to both nature and society.
Therefore
, I remain convinced that
this
 idea should be maintained.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by having distinct paragraphs for different ideas, using clear topic sentences, and connecting paragraphs meaningfully. Your current structure needs improvement in transitioning smoothly between ideas and providing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but lack a strong thesis statement and summarizing punch. The introduction should clearly outline your stance and preview the supporting points. The conclusion should restate your position and summarizing the main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific, relevant examples. Current examples are somewhat vague. Illustrating your points with concrete examples or statistics will strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
task achievement
Ensure a complete response to the prompt by fully developing all parts of your stance. You should explore your position in greater depth, including potential counterarguments and a stronger personal voice.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas by expanding on each point. Provide more detailed explanations, reasons, and implications. Instead of just stating benefits, discuss how these benefits impact society on a wider level and their long-term significance.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Generic statements need supporting information that is directly tied to your viewpoint. Consider using case studies, research findings, or personal anecdotes to support your position.
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