IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary Schools since its construction in 1950. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary Schools since its construction in 1950. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #changes #place #west #park #schools #construction #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The maps below illustrate the visual buildings of the West Park Secondary
School
Use synonyms
 in three development years, 1950, 1980, and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were some relocations and new constructions in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 years. The detailed looks of the maps show that in 1950, the
school
Use synonyms
 just had a main building and playground. The location was
also
Linking Words
 near
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
community's
Correct article usage
the community's
show examples
 houses and farmland on the left side.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 3 decades later, the area was bigger than before. Some new places which supported the student's activities were built
such
Linking Words
 as a science block and a sports field.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there was a car park area.
As a result
Linking Words
, the farmland and housing estate was demolished.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 in 2010, there was a small development to the
school
Use synonyms
 site. The car park side was bigger than before.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the sports arena and the playground were smaller. Despite that, the rooms that
always
Add a missing verb
were always
show examples
 in the same way as the first development
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the main building of the
school
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dyahkusumaningrum18 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words school with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • initially
  • subsequently
  • transformation
  • expansion
  • reduction
  • relocation
  • layout
  • adjacent
  • modification
  • demolished
  • constructed
  • facilities
  • infrastructure
  • proximity
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