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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart gives infornamtion about the number of car journeys into the city centre made by residents and non-residents.

The bar chart gives infornamtion about the number of car journeys into the city centre made by residents and non-residents.
#bar #infornamtion #car #journeys #city #centre #residents #non-residents
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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bar chart illustrates the average number of journeys which residents and non-residents did per day into the
city
Use synonyms
centre
Use synonyms
 from 1996 to 2005. It is clearly evident that the residents commute to the
city
Use synonyms
centre
Use synonyms
 by far more than non-residents with approximately 10,000 in 1996.
This
Linking Words
 number in spite of some fluctuations decreased slightly to about 9300 in 1999.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, non-citizens travel was 5000 in the starting point
,
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 but experienced a considerable increase to more than 8000 after three years. Regarding the introduction of parking meters into
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
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centre
Use synonyms
 in 2000, the proportion of citizens who travel fell dramatically to 5000 and
this
Linking Words
 number stayed stable until the next two years.
However
Linking Words
, parking meters did not have any influence on non-citizens and their figure stayed unchanged until 2002. What's more, closing
the
Correct article usage
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Westgate Street and Park Lane
due to
Linking Words
 the traffic influenced hugely on both groups.
Implying
Wrong verb form
This implies
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 that residents went to the
city
Use synonyms
centre
Use synonyms
 4000 times until 2005, and
this
Linking Words
 trend
was acknowledge
Change the verb form
was acknowledged
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 for strangers, too with merely 3000 in 2004.
However
Linking Words
, their figure grew again to under 5000 in 2005. In sum, it is crystal clear that
two
Correct article usage
the two
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 mentioned factors which were parking meters and closing some streets had a pivotal role in reducing
journeys
Correct article usage
the journeys
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 of both groups of people.
Submitted by tg.persian on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words city, centre with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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