The charts below show the percentage of electricity consumed by different sectors in Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010.
The pie charts illustrate
electricity
consumptions
by different sectors of Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010.
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
Overall
, transport
, residential, commercial, agriculture and mining sectors consumed Correct article usage
the transport
same
amount of Change the article
the same
electricity
while
Aluminium , manufacturing and otherb
metals used slightly different amounts of power in both years.
In 2007, Correct your spelling
other
electricity
consumption for residential purposes accounted for 28% of overall
energy followed by commercial at 23%. And also
power used for mining accounted for 9%. However
, Transport
and agriculture Correct article usage
the Transport
sector
consumed only 2%, both of which used 1% respectively. Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
Furthermore
, Industries like Aluminium, manufacturing and other metals used electricity
power 13%,13% and 12% respectively.
On the other hand
in 2010, electricity
consumed for transport, commercial,agriculture, mining and residential remained same
as in 2007. But Correct article usage
the same
Aluminium
and manufacturing sectors used Correct article usage
the Aluminium
electricity
slightly reduced compared to 2007 which accounted for 11% and 9% respectively. However
, other metals consumed 18% energy
in 2010 which increased by 6%.Change preposition
of energy
Submitted by Praslah on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼