More people is moving to the big city to live and work. What are the reasons and results of this trend?

It is a widely known phenomenon that many immigrants
moved
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
to urban places to live and get a job. Abundant opportunities encouraged rural residents to move to the big city. If many people continue to do
this
, it could lead to a bigger gap in population and economic distribution. In
this
essay, we will discuss
further
the reasons and results of
this
trend. Plenty of rural inhabitants think
to move
Change preposition
of moving
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to developed regions because of the unlimited choices of financial resources. Compared to the
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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, cities provided a higher chance of employment.
For instance
, in Indonesia, most offices of national and multinational companies are located in its capital city, Jakarta.
For
this
reason, people might be influenced to enrol there and gain a better future ahead.
On the other hand
, if the government did not control it wisely,
this
trend could result in a higher rate of asymmetrical regions' GDPs. The population explosion in high-income areas and the financial difference can contribute to a serious problem in one's state.
For example
, the gap between Java Island's GDP and Papua Island's GDP is really high
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
it now affects the long-term
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
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, health, and well-being of each citizen. Once it
occurred
Wrong verb form
occurs
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, it will
requires
Change the verb form
require
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a complex solution to achieve the former balance. In conclusion, countryside inhabitants travel to urban areas to receive wider opportunities for better life satisfaction.
On the other hand
,
this
will lead to an unsecured balance of revenues
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
both places. As a solution, the government should highlight the policies and regulations regarding public migration.
Submitted by jelitasofiaz on

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introduction
The introduction should be clear and more engaging. Provide a brief outline of the main points you will discuss.
coherence
Mind the logical progression of ideas and ensure paragraphs flow naturally from one to the next.
ideas development
Main points need to be fully developed with specific examples, and these should be incorporated more effectively throughout the essay.
conclusion
The conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points more effectively and suggesting implications or solutions.
grammar
Be careful with subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and pluralization (e.g., 'Plenty of rural inhabitants think to move' should be 'Plenty of rural inhabitants think of moving').
sentence structure
Vary your sentence structure to demonstrate a wide range of grammatical forms and to make your essay more engaging.
task response
Provide clear and direct responses to the task questions, ensuring you address the 'why' behind the trend as well as the consequences in a balanced manner.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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