More people is moving to the big city to live and work. What are the reasons and results of this trend?
It is a widely known phenomenon that many immigrants
moved
to urban places to live and get a job. Abundant opportunities encouraged rural residents to move to the big city. If many people continue to do Wrong verb form
move
this
, it could lead to a bigger gap in population and economic distribution. In this
essay, we will discuss further
the reasons and results of this
trend.
Plenty of rural inhabitants think to move
to developed regions because of the unlimited choices of financial resources. Compared to the Change preposition
of moving
countrysides
, cities provided a higher chance of employment. Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
For instance
, in Indonesia, most offices of national and multinational companies are located in its capital city, Jakarta. For
this
reason, people might be influenced to enrol there and gain a better future ahead.
On the other hand
, if the government did not control it wisely, this
trend could result in a higher rate of asymmetrical regions' GDPs. The population explosion in high-income areas and the financial difference can contribute to a serious problem in one's state. For example
, the gap between Java Island's GDP and Papua Island's GDP is really high that
it now affects the long-term Correct word choice
and
nutritions
, health, and well-being of each citizen. Once it Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
occurred
, it will Wrong verb form
occurs
requires
a complex solution to achieve the former balance.
In conclusion, countryside inhabitants travel to urban areas to receive wider opportunities for better life satisfaction. Change the verb form
require
On the other hand
, this
will lead to an unsecured balance of revenues of
both places. As a solution, the government should highlight the policies and regulations regarding public migration.Change preposition
in
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introduction
The introduction should be clear and more engaging. Provide a brief outline of the main points you will discuss.
coherence
Mind the logical progression of ideas and ensure paragraphs flow naturally from one to the next.
ideas development
Main points need to be fully developed with specific examples, and these should be incorporated more effectively throughout the essay.
conclusion
The conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points more effectively and suggesting implications or solutions.
grammar
Be careful with subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and pluralization (e.g., 'Plenty of rural inhabitants think to move' should be 'Plenty of rural inhabitants think of moving').
sentence structure
Vary your sentence structure to demonstrate a wide range of grammatical forms and to make your essay more engaging.
task response
Provide clear and direct responses to the task questions, ensuring you address the 'why' behind the trend as well as the consequences in a balanced manner.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite