IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

electricity production in both australia and france

#electricity #production #australia #france
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The pie charts illustrate how many
units
 of electricity were produced by
fuel
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 in
Australia
 and
France
 in 1980 and 2000.
Overall
, the figures show that both countries mostly generated
power
 from coal and natural
gas
 in 1980.
However
, by the year 2000,
Australia
 heavily relied on coal,
whereas
France
 turned to nuclear
power
.
To begin
, it can be observed that in 1980, coal was the most utilised
fuel
 source in
Australia
, contributing 50 out of 100
units
.
This
 was closely followed by natural
gas
,
hydropower
, and
oil
, at 20, 20, and 10
units
 each, respectively. For
France
, coal and natural
gas
 were the two most used
fuel
 sources, at 25
units
 each out of 90.
Oil
 was used twice as much compared to
Australia
, at 20
units
,
while
 only 5
units
 stemmed from
hydropower
. It is important to note that 15
units
 were generated from nuclear
power
,
however
,
Australia
 did not use
this
fuel
 source.
By contrast
, in 2000,
Australia
 significantly increased coal and
hydropower
 production to 130 and 36
units
 out of 170, respectively,
whereas
oil
 and natural
gas
 fell substantially to only 2
units
 each.
France
,
on the other hand
, massively increased its nuclear
power
 usage, surging from 15 to 126
units
 out of 170.
Finally
,
oil
 and coal stood at 25
units
 each,
while
 natural
gas
 and
hydropower
 plummeted to 2
units
 each.
Submitted by ototonji.ot on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme and that ideas progress logically from one to the next. Avoid jumping between topics without clear transitions.
coherence cohesion
In your introduction, include a thesis statement that outlines the main points of your essay. Provide a conclusion that summarises the key findings and discusses the implications or future outlook based on the data.
coherence cohesion
For a higher coherence and cohesion score, use a variety of linking words and cohesive devices effectively. This includes conjunctions, pronouns, and synonyms to prevent excessive repetition.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task prompt effectively, but could improve by exploring the implications of these historical changes in energy production for each country. This will show greater depth of analysis and thought.
task achievement
Strengthen your ideas with more explicit explanations and analyses, showing how the changes in electricity production affect the countries involved or the broader context of global energy production trends.
task achievement
Your essay includes specific examples, which is good. To score higher, ensure that each point is substantiated with detailed evidence and analysis that clearly links back to the overall argument or question posed by the essay prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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