Although many people value public parks, this space could be better used for the other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and build economics. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#people #value #parks #space #purposes #areas #population #business #economics

There is no denying the fact that the importance of economics and developing financial success by increasing business chances.

While

it is commonly held belief that it is better to change public spaces to residential areas. There is

also

an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I believe that these public parks are important in our life

which

Correct word choice

and

show examples

plays

Correct subject-verb agreement

play

show examples

many crucial roles.

To begin

with, keeping our planet green gives us more energy to work out.

In other words

, if we reduce green areas, the number of societies that

make

Verb problem

apply

show examples

exercises

Correct subject-verb agreement

exercise

show examples

will

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

sharp

Change the word

sharply

show examples

decrease which could impact them and

causes

Correct subject-verb agreement

cause

show examples

a significant change in their day.

In addition

, saving it will give us a healthier lifestyle.

For example

, those areas including trees give us pure oxygen and a place to motivate. Another point to consider may be that parks give a historical belief. It is

also

possible to say that, places play an important role in the history of the city changing it could cause problems.

Moreover

, places have emotional memories for people.

For instance

, if your first kiss was in one of these parks, you may return to

this

place to enjoy

this

memory.

Submitted by abdullmajeedsugati on Sun Dec 31 2023

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task achievement

Your essay somewhat addresses the topic, but you need to more fully develop your argument. You should state your position clearly in the introduction and maintain it throughout the essay. Address the counterargument regarding the necessity for residential or business space more comprehensively.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay requires improvement. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea that is fully developed and supported by the rest of the paragraph. Ensure your ideas flow logically from one to the next with appropriate use of linking words.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

197 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Although many people value public parks, this space could be better used for the other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and build economics. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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