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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #persons #job #type #sex #australia #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart provides
last
Linking Words
 year's data
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
employees
Use synonyms
 per job type and gender in Australia. Generally, there were seven types of
jobs
Use synonyms
 and two
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
, male and female.
Firstly
Linking Words
, tradespeople was the most popular occupation for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 in Australia
last
Linking Words
 year with 900,000
males
Use synonyms
 working in that particular area.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the clerical
jobs
Use synonyms
 followed with a close
number
Use synonyms
 around 875,000.
However
Linking Words
, more than 500,000
males
Use synonyms
 chose to work in professional settings with 650,000
males
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 600,000 worked as managers and around 500,000 as semi-professionals. Around 550,000
males
Use synonyms
 decided to work in production and other 400,000 as laborers.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clerical
jobs
Use synonyms
 was the most picked job for
women
Use synonyms
 with almost 1 million
women
Use synonyms
.
Women
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
the professionals
show examples
professionals
Change the noun form
professional
show examples
 area showed
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 with 700,000
women
Use synonyms
,
bigger
Correct article usage
a bigger
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 than the men, but only 200,000 worked as managers. Around 350
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 picked the production and around 270
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 as
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
. The production and trades sectors showed the same
number
Use synonyms
pf
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 female
employees
Use synonyms
 with 100,000
employees
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male and female
employees
Use synonyms
 chose to work for
jobs
Use synonyms
 like clerks and tradespeople.
Submitted by nadhif2799 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words employees, jobs, males, number, women with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment figures
  • Sectors
  • Significant disparities
  • Gender balance
  • Skewed
  • Trends
  • Patterns
  • Dominant
  • Inferred
  • Labor market
  • Year-on-year comparison
  • Insights
  • Implications
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